Notable quotes from the Shaved Ape

Okay, I'll say it. We don't need just any wall, we need Hadrian's Wall along the entire length of the border, which won't stop, nor should it, legal immigration.

It took 37 minutes to reset the jaw and begin breathing normally again.

Now what kind of idiot keeps a single, paper manuscript as the only copy of a multi-million dollar book? Money didn't improve Rowling's intellect.

I believe that for every John Kerry, John Murtha, and Cindy Sheehan, there are 10 of us -- people who won't tolerate being butchered time and time again by followers of a violent religion stuck in the eighth century.

If I was going to rob a bank it would be with a Jimmy Carter mask.

Okay, perhaps not all of Hollywood's rich, coke-snorting fiends are liberal terror-sympathizers.

Even orangutans can get laid on the web.

I'd suggest bombing the Middle East back into the 8th century, but it would be of no avail -- they're already living in the 8th century.

When chrome-plated, nuclear bombs are not found lying around in Tehran's town square, the socialist world and their liberal cousins call U.S. president a "liar".

I'd like to make my solitary voice very clear: If Bush gives any of my money to terrorists, Hamas in this instance, I will take out my anger on his policital party for the next 20 years.

Was the author, Jim Fitzgerald of the Associated Press, crying when he wrote that story?

Liberals in the USA and their socialist cousins in Europe wanted Saddam Hussein to remain in power, and that redefines the word "pathetic".

Round up the bones we've collected from archaeological digs and piss on them! Motherfuckers.

I sincerely hope that every single striking worker is fired unceremoniously and replaced with someone who recognizes that the one job benefit outweighing all others is the job itself.

Ice ages came and went many, many times before we Shaved Apes made any substantial footprint on earth, and therefore the present, miniscule rise in temps is not necessarily the fault of the Evil Humans.

Even squirrels have a breaking point.

Now if we could get a system to allow slapping the living shit out of someone via the internet -- we'd really have something.

Quit bitching and get the fuck out of my country.

Poor people are animals.

My 401(k) plan, unfortunately, consists of a Winchester 1200 shotgun.

When I wake up I feel as if I've just chipped my way through a wooden box, clawed through six feet of dirt, and breathed my first air in years.

CNN slipped out of the jackal's pussy in 1980.

From the comfort of my recliner, beer in hand, I'm prepared to say that Israelis who protest the Gaza withdrawl are against peace.

Wow I'm really looking forward to banging a prostitute in Tijuana.

The "caliphate" will remain a pipe dream for radical Muslim killers.

It's a toss-up as to which rancid patches of desert should be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century.

Who gives a holy shit-eating damn?

We needn't cry over every miserable little creature, especially the ones who sting and bite the living shit out of us.