Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Incompetent sons of bitches

This is why I do not like humans:

1. I tried to get a salad at the local grocery store this afternoon. The salad bar was out of forks, so I went to the deli to ask for one. The hispanic lady manning the deli didn't abla ingleesh. I made an eating motion, pointing to my salad, which was in a clear plastic container. She handed me a SPOON.

Do Mexicans eat salads with spoons? What the fuck was I gonna do with a spoon? Massage my prostate?

I think that when hispanic criminals who sneak across the border to "do the work Americans refuse to do", they should AT LEAST FUCKING DO IT WITH A FUCKING OUNCE OF COMPETENCE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?!

2. Trying to get a new cable box has turned into a fiasco. Friday I went down to the local cable office and ordered up a DVR box. Of course, they don't stock them, so it'll have to be shipped. Fucking idiocy. It will arrive Monday, I'm assured. Monday comes and goes, and no DVR. So I call the cable co. on Tuesday and they say if anybody actually told me it would arrive Monday, they were mistaken.

I made the guy repeat that I would not have to be home when it arrived on Tuesday. Yep, he said, UPS will leave it on your doorstep if nobody is there. I came home late tonight, Tuesday, and lo! there's no fucking DVR but there's a note from UPS saying that somebody must be home to sign. Worthless, cunt-licking motherfuckers. Could this possibly be any harder than this? Is there any way to make it more difficult, frustrating, and time-consuming?

Yes.

So I call UPS and they say I can pick it up 8-6, but not until Friday. I say this isn't an option, and they say they'll try to deliver Friday. The note on my door says UPS will automatically try to deliver again on THURSDAY. So, by calling, I only delayed the delivery of my box further.

Meanwhile the NHL playoffs and the French Open are chugging along without me seeing a god damned minute of them. Had I known how completely fucked it was to get a simple box to my house, I would have ordered the DVR 10 years ago to arrive in time for the 2006 summer sports season.

FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNED PIECES OF FUCKING SHIT. EVERYBODY CAN FUCK THEMSELF. JUST LEAVE ME BE.

3 comments:

cheeser-johnson-from-wisconsin said...

did you have possession of the DVR yet?

The Shaved Ape said...

Sure. I pulled down my pants, squatted, and shit one out.

cheeser-johnson-from-wisconsin said...

serves you right for being so nasty on the LA Times registration question. I hope that DVR never reaches you.