1. Bedbugs are feasting on DNC attendees. It's fitting that the people teleprompting the poor and the young to be parasites are themselves victims of parasites.
2. On Day 1 of DNC 2012 we have two new U.S. records: we've reached $16 trillion in debt, and we now have 46.7 million people on food stamps. Of all the precedents set by Our Little President, his ethnicity is the only one I'm not ashamed of.