What is Los Angeles?

A friend from Back East asked me that last night. "What is LA?" A good question, with good wording. Instead of giving my usual answer, "It's a cesspool larger than Vermont," I tried to really explain what the city is about. Talk about difficult! It's palm trees and marine sunsets, a road system resembling Hell, car culture and Mexican culture and pot culture and big business and board shorts and smog and museums and art. I guess.

LA is the most populous city in the most populous state, with many cultures and languages. There are nearly 40 million people in California, and half of them are in the LA metro area. And the city is really the wider metro, because one cannot visit "LA" without feeling its entire girth, a weight of nearly 20 million souls and just as many cars. It presses in on you, and people either love it or hate it. Indifference is rare.

Interstate 5 widens to five lanes or more, in each direction, for 80 miles. Only a drive from Baltimore to Boston rivals the absurdity of LA freeways. Logjams occur 24 hours a day, 7 days a week -- it's relentless. Other big cities in America have traffic reports on the radio during morning and afternoon commutes; LA has traffic reports around the clock. A good sound system in the car, and air conditioning, are a must, because at any time a 40 minute drive could turn into a two hour drive. A handgun might be a good idea, too, so you can shoot back.

The sprawling nature of the city is well known, but you have to experience it first-hand to appreciate how big it really is. It's a textbook case for civil engineers and planners, on how not to grow a city. Up is better than out. If you're seen both LA and Manhattan, you know what I'm talking about. The rainforest approach to urban growth is worse than the plantation approach.

Along with San Francisco, LA is the most cultured place in California, from the museums to the beach communities to the symphony. But that's misleading. Islands of opulence are surrounded by gang territories. If you take the wrong exit, that song "I Love LA!" stops playing in your head.

I like LA, but I don't love it. I live just south of the metro, along the ocean, and I make most of my money up there. Let's face it, if you can't earn a living among 20 million people, you can't earn a living.

The climate is good, of course, and the location is also good. In the winter people go into the desert for warmth, and close by are excellent attractions, like San Fran, the Sierras, Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and San Diego. Mexico used to be a nice diversion, but not any longer. Tijuana has about a million residents, and there are about 800 brutal murders each year now. Even Detroit is peaceful by comparison.

People seem equally divided about LA, with some saying they love it and wouldn't want to live anywhere else, the rest only enduring it, wishing they were someplace with fewer people, faster freeway commutes, and better air quality.

I'm glad I don't live in LA, but I like living close to it. Whatever it is.