Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Something to look forward to with a Clinton presidency

David Drake has an excellent story on Bush's State of the Union Address and imagined injustices. I'm responding to one paragraph: "Never in the eight years of the Clinton presidency did Conservatives or Republicans manifest the degree of hatred, anger and animosity that has been exhibited by Liberals and Progressives towards President Bush."

If Hillary Clinton becomes president, I'd like to see conservatives (and I'm not conservative) give Hillary the same treatment liberals gave Bush all these years.

Such as:

1. A Republican Speaker of the House should globetrot, meeting with enemies of the US and undermine US foreign policy, which will be set by President Clinton.

2. Top House and Senate Republicans should openly compare President Clinton's policies to those of Adolf Hitler.

3. Any troops involved in military action under President Clinton should be likened to baby killers (well, that should never happen, and never will from Republicans).

4. Any forceful statement against another nation -- such as warning a troublesome Middle Eastern nation not to sabre rattle, or shoot a few cruise missiles from a safe distance (a great liberal trick), Republicans should immediately denounce Clinton as a warmonger and apologize to France and Germany for our president's awful, divisive nature.

5. If the economy is strong under President Clinton, I fully expect Republicans to say how awful the economy is and that we're on the verge of financial collapse and that it has nothing to do with the fickle nature of markets and investment, and instead the impending collapse is 100% the fault of the sitting president.

6. If President Clinton serves two terms, the Great Ponzi Scheme known as Social Security may well implode. As President Clinton belatedly tries to fix the massive financial problem, Republicans should state, over and over again like parrots with jock itch, "There is no Social Security problem."

7. When President Clinton uses the powers she is granted by the federal constitution, by doing things like firing federal prosecutors (things presidents of both parties have been doing for decades), Republicans should denounce her as politiking the justice system to the detriment of the country.

8. Republicans should get involved in illegal land deals and take massive bribes, with the money stored in cash in a freezer, while the media completely ignores the misdeeds. Meanwhile, when a top Clinton official unwittingly gets in the middle of an alleged spy-outing case, where no actual law was broken and the key players turn out to be Class A liars, the official should be treated as a Class A felon and fed to the lions.

9. Constant jokes should be made in public about Hillary's lack of intellectual curiosity.

10. Republicans should grant interviews to overseas newspapers where they are routinely quoted as apologizing for our president.

11. Clinton's top political adviser should be depicted as the devil incarnate at every opportunity. Republicans should insinuate that this individual leads a global cabal that secretly rules the world and controls President Hillary Clinton like a puppet on strings.

12. When Clinton mis-speaks or stumbles on a word during her hundreds of speeches as president, conservatives should make fun of her, comparing her to a chimp.

13. If Hillary goes to war, Republicans should actively work to cause the US to lose the war, and provide aid and comfort to our enemies. Ah, well, once again this can never happen, and Republicans will never stoop to this level.

These points almost make voting for Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife seem like a good idea.

Also, I wonder how many top government officials close to President Hillary Rodham Clinton will be found murdered or to have committed suicide under extremely weird circumstances? How many people will fall asleep on railroad tracks or get caught smuggling cocaine? I wonder how many top national secrets will be sold to North Korea? How many arch criminals will buy pardons from her at the end of her last term? Will she pimp out the Lincoln Bedroom? And, of course, we must ask, will Hillary get the Presidential Snatch licked by an intern in the oval office? Or will she leave Bill to get the First Pole waxed? (Even I think that's terribly crude, but if it's good for the goose, it's probably good for the gander, right?)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

And I'd like to see remove the blogger approval for comments, you coward. Haha, your ex-wife emasculated you, bitch!

The Shaved Ape said...

This dumbass is too cowardly to leave his own fucking name while calling me a coward for moderating the comments. I don't know where these idiots come from, or from which kind of diseased animal they were spawned.

Unknown said...

Your going to have to tweak paragraph 5 a bit since the latest collapse can be 100% traced backed to the social housing experiment. Also known as the democrat funding and Wall Street Coorsion projects respectively called Fannie\Freddie and Acorn.