Jan Ullrich retires from cycling

I never thought I would see the day when a man makes world headlines because he stopped riding bicycles. I did that years ago, and nobody made a fuss about it. The Mercury News, with some editing:

Former bicycle rider The Shaved Ape ended his cycling Monday, still defending himself against lingering doping suspicions.

The American, who never won any Tours, or anything, for that matter, announced his retirement eight months after discovering that watching TV was more enjoyable.

"I am ending my active career," The Shaved Ape said. "It's not easy, but you have to listen to the voice inside you that the time is right. It was a good time and I would do it the same way again, even the bad times."

He said he will stay in the sport as a consultant for neighborhood bicycle riders.

The Shaved Ape criticized the way he had been treated by cars on the highway in Germany, Switzerland, and especially Laguna Beach.