Recent news = idiocy

“Virgin” Mary. In a desperate and pathetic need to believe in something bigger than themselves, lemming-like Shaved Apes have been flocking to a Sacramento church to see a statue of the “Virgin” Mary cry blood. A miracle! Christ, the only miracles I’m aware of are photons disappearing from existence in laboratory tests, cellular telephony, the internet, and skilled hookers plying their craft. (News story here.)

Crips founder to die. Stan Williams, founder of the “Crips” street gang – which has killed thousands and thousands of people, and terrorized countless more – is going to be offed by the State of California on Dec. 13. Major stars, including Jamie Foxx and Snoop Dog, are turning out in an attempt to convince the Governator to pardon the ruthless killer. (News story here.)

No. 1, I’m against capital punishment on monetary grounds. Few examples of wasting my money are greater than capital punishment. These diseased, fuckbrained criminals can serve their entire lives in a 10x7 cell. As a member of the public, I’ll be well served. Twenty years of appeals and then a gentle sleep by lethal injection is no punishment at all.

No. 2, California’s laws are clear, and until sanity prevails and they’re repealed, we must move forward. Nobody deserves to be offed like the founder of the Crips. I say hang him high.

Iran seeks regime change. Iran’s nutcase president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, says the Bush administration should be tried for war crimes. Our National Security Strategy, affectionately known as the NSS, gave us the power and right to whack Afghanistan and Iraq, and it certainly gives us the right to whack Iran and Syria. Both sponsor Hezbollah, an undeniably terrorist organization. Let’s get it done. (News story here.)

Leader of rock band advises democratic government. The headline reads, “Bono Urges Canada to Increase Foreign Aid”. This is high level, crackpot nonsense. To me, this carries the weight of, “Middle school janitor urges Canada to increase foreign aid.” Bono? Who gives a holy, shit-eating damn? Bono should rattle and hum his head out of his own ass. (News story here.)

A Frenchman was found after drifting for days on the open ocean. Upon rescue, the man said he wants a croissant. Oh, tres magnifique. I’ll bet he’d prefer having his pole waxed by another Frenchman to any flaky, buttery croissant. (News story here.)