Bullshit.
Every picture and every piece of video I've seen shows the exact same thing:
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Katrina looters: truth versus fantasy
I've heard analysts on CNN and MSNBC talk about how the looters are after food and water.
Bullshit.
Every picture and every piece of video I've seen shows the exact same thing:
Bullshit.
Every picture and every piece of video I've seen shows the exact same thing:
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Katrina: tears for some, not for others
Everybody in Katrina's path was told to flee. I feel sorry for the really destitute people who had no vehicle or money for a hotel. For the rest...
Also, this is the last time I'll mourn hurricane victims. Get the fuck away from the Southeast coast, morons.
Also also, it looks as if New Orleans will need a complete rebuild. I'm sure that a lot of infrastructure, like roads and sewer systems, are intact, but the structures are toast. REBUILD IT 100 MILES INLAND, dammit.
Also, this is the last time I'll mourn hurricane victims. Get the fuck away from the Southeast coast, morons.
Also also, it looks as if New Orleans will need a complete rebuild. I'm sure that a lot of infrastructure, like roads and sewer systems, are intact, but the structures are toast. REBUILD IT 100 MILES INLAND, dammit.
Katrina in world's press
BBC World News
Deutsche Welle (Germany)
National Post (Canada)
Der Spiegel (Germany); German papers are blaming George Bush for the hurricane. Did Bush cause the massive hurricanes that struck the Southern coast of North America 100 years ago, or 500 years ago, or 5000 years ago? Hello? Is anybody out there?
Sydney Morning Herald
Times of London
Manila Times
Times of India
The Moscow Times
Jerusalem Post
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Hurricane Katrina hits New Orleans
Hang in there, Nawlins! I've visited the city twice. Loved it. I'll help by making a third trip after the city is rebuilt. I'm assuming the doomsayers in the media are correct, that the city will look like Hiroshima and Nagasaki post-nuke.
Winds within Katrina are 160 mph now. That's quick. I drove a sportbike on the Autobahn a few years back at 170 mph. Unable to get my head below the windscreen because of a tank-mounted video camera, my melon was up in the screaming wind. When I hit 130 my head snapped back. My neck muscles weren't strong enough to hold the old noggin in place. I was looking at the sky at 130 mph, in the middle of the Autobahn connecting Frankfurt with Munich. Death seemed emminent for just a moment. I was able to hold my head down with my clutch hand, grabbing the portion of the helmet covering my chin. Then I was able to continue on to 170. Legally. Joyfully.
CNN is showing the text, EYE OF KATRINA HEADING FOR NEW ORLEANS. It makes me think of something fantastic, like from Tolkien. PEOPLE OF NEW ORLEANS, THE EYE OF KATRINA IS UPON YOU! FLY, YOU FOOLS!
Various "experts" are talking about 40,000 dead, skyscrapers knocked down, et al. According to CNN, the mayor told the people of Nawlins to take a good look around, because New Orleans will never look the same again. Could this possibly be true? I hope not.
CNN is talking about how poor people will be disproportionately affected because they can't climb into an SUV and run for it. Who would have thought a hurricane would be a good way to clean up a city? (Yes, I think everything is funny, and nothing is off limits. If you're easily offended -- liberal -- go here.)
Below are a few screen shots from CNN and Fox (dumb and dumber). MSNBC shots are not included due to excessive interference on my PC/cable feed.
I'll be damned. CNN is my "hurricane headquarters." I'm so glad they came right out and told me. What would I have done without a hurrricane headquarters? They know what they're doing though. I left work early tonight to glue my face to the TV screen.
CNN is using the same dire theme music from their Asian tsunami coverage, rather than a tune exclusive to Katrina.
No white men are reporting on CNN, of course, because political correctness deemed white men inappropriate many years ago. A black gentleman is anchoring, with Adaora Udoji reporting by videophone. A white chick is in Gulfport, Miss. Perhaps whiteys with dicks have Sunday nights off.
CNN misc.
CNN misc.
Fox misc.
This is Fox's logo. When was this created? Last night? A week ago?
My desktop with TV software and Photoshop.
Winds within Katrina are 160 mph now. That's quick. I drove a sportbike on the Autobahn a few years back at 170 mph. Unable to get my head below the windscreen because of a tank-mounted video camera, my melon was up in the screaming wind. When I hit 130 my head snapped back. My neck muscles weren't strong enough to hold the old noggin in place. I was looking at the sky at 130 mph, in the middle of the Autobahn connecting Frankfurt with Munich. Death seemed emminent for just a moment. I was able to hold my head down with my clutch hand, grabbing the portion of the helmet covering my chin. Then I was able to continue on to 170. Legally. Joyfully.
CNN is showing the text, EYE OF KATRINA HEADING FOR NEW ORLEANS. It makes me think of something fantastic, like from Tolkien. PEOPLE OF NEW ORLEANS, THE EYE OF KATRINA IS UPON YOU! FLY, YOU FOOLS!
Various "experts" are talking about 40,000 dead, skyscrapers knocked down, et al. According to CNN, the mayor told the people of Nawlins to take a good look around, because New Orleans will never look the same again. Could this possibly be true? I hope not.
CNN is talking about how poor people will be disproportionately affected because they can't climb into an SUV and run for it. Who would have thought a hurricane would be a good way to clean up a city? (Yes, I think everything is funny, and nothing is off limits. If you're easily offended -- liberal -- go here.)
Below are a few screen shots from CNN and Fox (dumb and dumber). MSNBC shots are not included due to excessive interference on my PC/cable feed.
I'll be damned. CNN is my "hurricane headquarters." I'm so glad they came right out and told me. What would I have done without a hurrricane headquarters? They know what they're doing though. I left work early tonight to glue my face to the TV screen.
CNN is using the same dire theme music from their Asian tsunami coverage, rather than a tune exclusive to Katrina.
No white men are reporting on CNN, of course, because political correctness deemed white men inappropriate many years ago. A black gentleman is anchoring, with Adaora Udoji reporting by videophone. A white chick is in Gulfport, Miss. Perhaps whiteys with dicks have Sunday nights off.
CNN misc.
CNN misc.
Fox misc.
This is Fox's logo. When was this created? Last night? A week ago?
My desktop with TV software and Photoshop.
Friday, August 26, 2005
He'll huff and he'll puff
Tom Hayden, an anti-American writing for the Huffington Post (excuse the redundancy) is doing what The Huff and her angry crew do -- showing how absolutely everything GWB does and everything he believes in is BAD.
Hayden:
'liberation' refers to liberation from Saddam Husein, which Hayden must realize, yet deliberately ignores. Iraqis were liberated from their oppressor in May 2003, which was a secondary mission of military engagement. Disarming Hussein was the primary mission.
Worst case scenario in Iraq is acceptable to me: No democracy takes root; civil war and strife continue. A very large, permanent U.S. military base exists in the middle, within easy striking range of any terrorist training camps that spring up, and also within range of the world's worst terrorism hotbeds - Syria, Iran, and Saudi Arabia.
Hayden:
I don't have a particular philosophical preference for centralized government, but the alternative in Iraq is a devolution to warring ethnic and religious fiefdoms under the control of the international market. Yoo, Brooks and Galbraith are silent on this untidy aspect of their scenario, with Yoo even reminding Americans that we had to go through the "fiery experience" of civil war before becoming a nation. Leaving aside the fact that Americans threw the British out by force, that's a macabre future for Iraqis who were promised "liberation."
'liberation' refers to liberation from Saddam Husein, which Hayden must realize, yet deliberately ignores. Iraqis were liberated from their oppressor in May 2003, which was a secondary mission of military engagement. Disarming Hussein was the primary mission.
Worst case scenario in Iraq is acceptable to me: No democracy takes root; civil war and strife continue. A very large, permanent U.S. military base exists in the middle, within easy striking range of any terrorist training camps that spring up, and also within range of the world's worst terrorism hotbeds - Syria, Iran, and Saudi Arabia.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Doctor in trouble for obesity comment
Dr. Terry Bennett of New Hampshire is the victim of a complaint filed by an obese woman. She was offended when Bennett told her she needed to lose weight for health reasons.
From AP:
This woman filed a complaint against doctor
From AP:
"I told a fat woman she was obese," Bennett says. "I tried to get her attention. I told her, 'You need to get on a program, join a group of like-minded people and peel off the weight that is going to kill you.' "
Brit terror deportation rules released
On the list: Those who "foment, justify or glorify terrorist violence." It's about time. How sad Britian had to learn the lesson the hard way. We've all known for many years that violence and death preached at European (and British) mosques is the key to terrorism there.
From the Washington Post:
UPDATE: The United Nations has already voiced concerns. What a surprise.
From the Washington Post:
On the new list of "unacceptable behaviors" announced by Clarke is using Web sites, writing, preaching, publishing or distributing materials that "seek to provoke others to terrorist acts" or "foster hatred."
UPDATE: The United Nations has already voiced concerns. What a surprise.
Robertson backpedals
Patty is now saying his comments were misinterpreted.
Here is the first part of his original comments made on "The 700 Club":
Here is the first part of his original comments made on "The 700 Club":
"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson told viewers on his "The 700 Club" show Monday. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said. "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
Suicide blogging
A modern classic:
...I was with a girl last night and I didn't have any problems slapping her around while I violated her in ways that would make Jenna Jameson vomit. And after I paid her for the hour, she actually remembered my name. She wrote down my address as well for some reason. Then I sat naked on the couch for the next four hours with my tactical shotgun in my mouth, soaking with the guilt of what I had done.
Great list
The Stone Camel has the classic list of future headlines. I've seen it three dozen times since I got my first email account in the late 1980s. He has one item I hadn't seen before.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Fuck the salamanders
Christ almighty it's tiring to hear of land declared sacred because of a goddamned little tiny animal. The world will go on if there are fewer California tiger salamanders. Nobody's life will change. The earth will still spin. Coffee will still be brewed, hot and fresh, in the morning.
From AP:
SAN FRANCISCO - Federal wildlife officials said Tuesday that they would cut by nearly half the amount of land set aside for the California tiger salamander, saying it would be too costly to restrict development in those areas to protect the threatened amphibian.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Have you been flagged by Google?
Google recently launched a new "flag" system for blogs hosted on its Blogger.com service.
The flag button appears at the top of Blogger blogs, and is designed “notify blogger about objectionable content.” This is ridiculous on its face. If anyone doesn’t like a blogger or disagrees with a blog’s content, bingo!, you’re “flagged” and could lose your indexing at Blogger.com.
A recent piece at Blog Herald, referencing outside material, says one blog “seems to have been targeted by people using the feature implemented by Google and that the site disappeared for at least some time.”
Anyone with a modicum of tech sense can remove the bar containing the "flag" button. I don't give a rat's pink, puckered ass, so mine will stay.
Google’s official rationale for the flag system is as follows:
It might be better to have a blog equivalent of the Motion Picture Association of America rating system. For mine, you would see This blog is rated NC-17 by the Blog Association of America.
The flag button appears at the top of Blogger blogs, and is designed “notify blogger about objectionable content.” This is ridiculous on its face. If anyone doesn’t like a blogger or disagrees with a blog’s content, bingo!, you’re “flagged” and could lose your indexing at Blogger.com.
A recent piece at Blog Herald, referencing outside material, says one blog “seems to have been targeted by people using the feature implemented by Google and that the site disappeared for at least some time.”
Anyone with a modicum of tech sense can remove the bar containing the "flag" button. I don't give a rat's pink, puckered ass, so mine will stay.
Google’s official rationale for the flag system is as follows:
The "Flag?" button allows the blogging community to easily note questionable content, which in turn helps us take action when needed. So we're relying on you, the users, to be our eyes on the web, and to let us know of potential issues that are important to you.
The "Flag?" button is a means by which readers of Blog*Spot can help inform us about potentially questionable content, so we can prevent others from encountering such material by setting particular blogs as "unlisted." This means the blog won't be promoted on Blogger.com but will still be available on the web — we prefer to keep in mind that one person's vulgarity is another's poetry. Or something like that.
It might be better to have a blog equivalent of the Motion Picture Association of America rating system. For mine, you would see This blog is rated NC-17 by the Blog Association of America.
China vs. USA
A new study about the perceptions of Chinese people and Americans has some interesting results.
From AP:
From AP:
Asians and North Americans really do see the world differently. Shown a photograph, North American students of European background paid more attention to the object in the foreground of a scene, while students from China spent more time studying the background and taking in the whole scene, according to University of Michigan researchers.
Robertson wants to assassinate Hugo Chavez
Pat Robertson's call for the assassination of Hugo Chavez is making all Christians look bad. Fortunately Christians are, by and large, peaceful. But it was not always so. From the Inquisition to the IRA, the religion has killed millions and millions of people. These are good reasons to keep all religions separate from the U.S. government.
Yesterday's big bad religion was Christianity. Today it is Islam. Which of the 4000 formal religions practiced on earth will become the killer of tomorrow?
Yesterday's big bad religion was Christianity. Today it is Islam. Which of the 4000 formal religions practiced on earth will become the killer of tomorrow?
Thursday, August 18, 2005
British Muslim whackjobs
British newspaper The Guardian is showing its dislike of Western society by publishing the Muslim response to proposed new anti-terror legislation in Britain. I’m torn between laughter and anger. These people just do not get it. Best case scenario: Western society is not compatible with their worldview. (via LGF)
I excerpted portions of the Muslim statement below. I included my commentary because I know you’re dying to see what I think.
Why would Muslims in the USA and Britain be against the war and occupation of Iraq when Iraqis are not? Did they miss wall-to-wall coverage of the Iraqi vote? Did they prefer a Saddam Hussein? Using WMDs against a civilian population tends to leave a bad taste in the mouths of most people. Apparently not all. Or is it okay for Muslims to brutally oppress Muslims? I don't recall the entire leadership among British Muslims calling for an end to the Iraqi government under Hussein.
I have neither the ability nor the inclination to understand such a mindset.
I don’t know about Palestine-Israel. Two things are becoming clear: 1) The winners of WWII may have made a mistake in creating the nation of Israel. What did the planners think was going to happen? How would I feel if the United Nations, or a Muslim nation, carved out a fully independent country for Native Americans on USA territory? 2) It doesn’t matter the conditions Palestinians live under; there is no justification for terrorism. That stuttering fuck Arafat, pioneer of modern terrorism, hurt the Palestinians more than 100 Israels ever could.
“Shameful” was used in item No. 6. Shameful? What is more shameful, playing games with law to remove malevolent killers desiring a diseased caliphate and the overthrow of the British government, the fact that legal games must be played at all, or the fact that Muslim extremists are blowing up innocents?
That anyone could consider the removal of such a cancer from society shameful, and yet not be shamed by the acts of their own brothers on 7/7 and 7/21 – is both disgusting and infuriating.
I am still waiting patiently for the moderate Muslim community to begin talking sense and cease complaining about restrictions following atrocities committed in the name of Allah.
I excerpted portions of the Muslim statement below. I included my commentary because I know you’re dying to see what I think.
1… The term "extremism", frequently used in the public discourse about religion and terrorism, has no tangible legal meaning or definition and is thus unhelpful and emotive. To equate "extremism" with the aspirations of Muslims for Sharia laws in the Muslim world or the desire to see unification towards a Caliphate in the Muslim lands, as seemed to be misrepresented by the prime minister, is inaccurate and disingenuous. It indicates ignorance of what the Sharia is and what a Caliphate is and will alienate and victimise the Muslim community unnecessarily.
2… However, the right of people anywhere in the world to resist invasion and occupation is legitimate. Therefore the proposal to criminalise "justification" or "validation" of such self defence appears to be intended to stifle discussion about, and support for, such resistance.
Why would Muslims in the USA and Britain be against the war and occupation of Iraq when Iraqis are not? Did they miss wall-to-wall coverage of the Iraqi vote? Did they prefer a Saddam Hussein? Using WMDs against a civilian population tends to leave a bad taste in the mouths of most people. Apparently not all. Or is it okay for Muslims to brutally oppress Muslims? I don't recall the entire leadership among British Muslims calling for an end to the Iraqi government under Hussein.
I have neither the ability nor the inclination to understand such a mindset.
3… It is natural for Muslims to feel sympathy with fellow Muslims elsewhere in the world and to desire justice for those of them living under oppression.
I don’t know about Palestine-Israel. Two things are becoming clear: 1) The winners of WWII may have made a mistake in creating the nation of Israel. What did the planners think was going to happen? How would I feel if the United Nations, or a Muslim nation, carved out a fully independent country for Native Americans on USA territory? 2) It doesn’t matter the conditions Palestinians live under; there is no justification for terrorism. That stuttering fuck Arafat, pioneer of modern terrorism, hurt the Palestinians more than 100 Israels ever could.
4…Any disagreement with a political organisation must be expressed through debate not censorship.
5… The same reasoning applies to the proposal to close mosques if they are arbitrarily defined as being "extremist" or to try and politically influence what may or may not be said during a religious talk.
6… The proposal to deport and/or extradite foreign nationals to countries known for gross human rights abuses is abhorrent to a civilised nation, irrelevant of whether or not a diplomatic assurance that deportees will not be mistreated is obtained. …such an exploitation of the events to move against foreign nationals as well as unwanted asylum seekers is indeed shameful.
“Shameful” was used in item No. 6. Shameful? What is more shameful, playing games with law to remove malevolent killers desiring a diseased caliphate and the overthrow of the British government, the fact that legal games must be played at all, or the fact that Muslim extremists are blowing up innocents?
That anyone could consider the removal of such a cancer from society shameful, and yet not be shamed by the acts of their own brothers on 7/7 and 7/21 – is both disgusting and infuriating.
I am still waiting patiently for the moderate Muslim community to begin talking sense and cease complaining about restrictions following atrocities committed in the name of Allah.
Babies on no-fly lists
Much is being made over babies appearing on terrorism no-fly lists. Perhaps we should re-think the re-thinking. Only Palestinian babies should be kept off planes.
Cable bill addressed to 'Bitch Dog'
After complaining to Comcast, LaChania Govan (and try not to laugh at that) received a bill addressed to "Bitch Dog". Somebody has a crude sense of humor.
From AP:
Off topic: How can she walk into a room full of people and say, "Hi, my name is LaChania"? Wow.
From AP:
CHICAGO - LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish — a language she doesn't understand.
But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."
"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."
Off topic: How can she walk into a room full of people and say, "Hi, my name is LaChania"? Wow.
Lions and cheetahs reintroduced to USA?
This is a great idea. They can patrol the border with Mexico. I'm sure a hungry pride of lions wouldn't mind eating a family of illegals.
From Reuters:
From Reuters:
Scientists are proposing reintroducing large mammals such as elephants, lions, cheetahs and wild horses to North America to replace populations lost 13,000 years ago.
The scientists say that not only could large tracts of North America act as breeding sanctuaries for species of large wild animals under threat in Africa and Asia, but that such ecological history parks could be major tourist attractions.
"Africa and parts of Asia are now the only places where megafauna are relatively intact, and the loss of many of these species within this century seems likely," the team, led by Josh Donlan from New York's Cornell University, said.
BTK killer worked out to prepare for killing
How many Dennis Raders are out there?
From Reuters; bolding mine:
From Reuters; bolding mine:
Confessed Kansas serial killer Dennis Rader worked out to build up his strength because he found killing people physically hard, law enforcement agents told his sentencing hearing on Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Governmentium, the new heavy element
This email is circulating once again. The delay in Iraq's constitution makes it timely. For the first time, Iraqis are seeing the effects of this new element.
Governmentium
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay but instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Governmentium
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay but instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
CNN just taking sides, again
It is well known that CNN is anti-Bush and anti-Republican. Has been since it "slipped out of the Jackal's pussy in 1980." Last night the other cable news channels I flip through had nothing, so I paused on CNN -- a rarity since Aaron Brown tried to sell me on hating the Iraq war.
Meeting with the president, again
CNN was covering the Cindy Sheehan disgrace. The early morning crew (early here in California) said that Sheehan and most of her political backers "want the president to meet with her." Oops, where's the "again"? Does CNN not know that Bush met with her once before? Again should be included, considering accuracy is a fairly important component of journalism. Rather, it is when a news organization does not have an agenda; when it has not taken sides.
Just one mile
Another interesting tidbit was their secondary ticker. I don't know the in-house lingo, so I'll describe it. The secondary ticker, as I call it, is stationary text just above the scrolling ticker, and this text is related to the conversation of the talking heads. The ticker, by contrast, is the scrolling text at the bottom of the screen; it's not usually related to the conversation. Last night CNN's secondary ticker mentioned the Bush neighbor who offered his land to the protesters. CNN chose to say the land is "just one mile" from the present location of the protest.
Just?
Noticing the lack of "again" and the inclusion of "just" is not nitpicking. Do you think Fox would have missed "again" or chosen to include "just"?
Meeting with the president, again
CNN was covering the Cindy Sheehan disgrace. The early morning crew (early here in California) said that Sheehan and most of her political backers "want the president to meet with her." Oops, where's the "again"? Does CNN not know that Bush met with her once before? Again should be included, considering accuracy is a fairly important component of journalism. Rather, it is when a news organization does not have an agenda; when it has not taken sides.
Just one mile
Another interesting tidbit was their secondary ticker. I don't know the in-house lingo, so I'll describe it. The secondary ticker, as I call it, is stationary text just above the scrolling ticker, and this text is related to the conversation of the talking heads. The ticker, by contrast, is the scrolling text at the bottom of the screen; it's not usually related to the conversation. Last night CNN's secondary ticker mentioned the Bush neighbor who offered his land to the protesters. CNN chose to say the land is "just one mile" from the present location of the protest.
Just?
Noticing the lack of "again" and the inclusion of "just" is not nitpicking. Do you think Fox would have missed "again" or chosen to include "just"?
Blogging is 'CB radio for the 21st century'?
Two things happened simultaneously while sitting on the patio of my favorite coffee shop. That they happened at the same time is somewhat eerie. I was watching the "Did you say Blog?" video (here), when an older lady walked by and, upon hearing the audio, asked, "Are you listening to the radio?"
The answer is really, "Yes, the 21st century version." I explained I was watching a video on the internet, and swiveled the laptop to show her.
"Oh, my, you can do anything with these, can't you?" she said.
"Yes," I told her.
"You can even pay your bills," she said.
"Or you can go to an online gambling site and gamble away the bill money, heh, heh," I said.
"Oh, my," she said, and walked away.
It's a true story that unfoled five minutes ago on a lazy afternoon in Orange County, California. So the lady has a 20th century sense of humor. No big deal.
The interesting thing about the video, which the nice old lady didn't stick around to watch, is that various blogger types were saying things like blogging makes everybody a journalist. Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit said that blogs have been derided as "CB radio for the 21st century." Well, he said, CB radio was revolutionary.
One guy said the chain of development went from Pony Express to telegraphs to radio to television to the blogosphere. I guess he forgot about CB.
I just don't know about all that. I don't feel like a pioneer or a revolutionary. I just feel like an angry dumbass who may have lost his wife because of this goddamned blog.
Maybe I am a pioneer. I plan to continue this depraved experiment.
The answer is really, "Yes, the 21st century version." I explained I was watching a video on the internet, and swiveled the laptop to show her.
"Oh, my, you can do anything with these, can't you?" she said.
"Yes," I told her.
"You can even pay your bills," she said.
"Or you can go to an online gambling site and gamble away the bill money, heh, heh," I said.
"Oh, my," she said, and walked away.
It's a true story that unfoled five minutes ago on a lazy afternoon in Orange County, California. So the lady has a 20th century sense of humor. No big deal.
The interesting thing about the video, which the nice old lady didn't stick around to watch, is that various blogger types were saying things like blogging makes everybody a journalist. Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit said that blogs have been derided as "CB radio for the 21st century." Well, he said, CB radio was revolutionary.
One guy said the chain of development went from Pony Express to telegraphs to radio to television to the blogosphere. I guess he forgot about CB.
I just don't know about all that. I don't feel like a pioneer or a revolutionary. I just feel like an angry dumbass who may have lost his wife because of this goddamned blog.
Maybe I am a pioneer. I plan to continue this depraved experiment.
The wife learned of Tijuana whoring
Well, well, my estranged wife finally read some of this blog and found the post about Tijuana whores. Christ almighty. The estrangement will continue.
Would it help to say I was kidding?
When my daughters get older and want their own blog, I'll be a hypocritic when I tell them they should never do a blog. I did one, and I'm already regretful. Blogs are to us (me, anyway) what marijuana was to our parents' generation. "I did one, but you must not." I need a public service commercial to tell me how to handle this.
For the record: It was just a blog entry about Tijuana whores. I didn't go down there, damn it. I can hold out a little while longer.
Would it help to say I was kidding?
When my daughters get older and want their own blog, I'll be a hypocritic when I tell them they should never do a blog. I did one, and I'm already regretful. Blogs are to us (me, anyway) what marijuana was to our parents' generation. "I did one, but you must not." I need a public service commercial to tell me how to handle this.
For the record: It was just a blog entry about Tijuana whores. I didn't go down there, damn it. I can hold out a little while longer.
Maureen Dowd is a talentless cunt
Before I whine about Dowd, I acknowledge that the New York Times, a.k.a. New Liberal Times, has her on the payroll specifically to get people like me to read the paper and complain and link.
Read Dowd to see what would happen if a child on a playground wrote a nasty note about another child. The twist is that a crack Times editor cleans up the childish mess, slightly.
Read Dowd to see what would happen if a child on a playground wrote a nasty note about another child. The twist is that a crack Times editor cleans up the childish mess, slightly.
They had better start absorbing and shedding a lot faster, before many more American kids die to create a pawn of Iran. And they had better tell the Boy in the Bubble, who continues to dwell in delusion, hailing the fights and delays on the Iraqi constitution as "a tribute to democracy."
The president's pedaling as fast as he can, but he's going nowhere.
Mexico is shamed
According to a new poll, forty percent of Mexicans would immigrate to the United States if they had the chance. That's disgraceful. Nearly half the nation of Mexico would bail if they could. What an armpit of a country.
From San Diego Union-Tribune; bolding mine:
From San Diego Union-Tribune; bolding mine:
With pressure growing on Congress and the White House to impose tighter controls on immigration, a survey released Tuesday showed that four in 10 Mexicans would immigrate to the United States if given the chance and more than half would consider participating in a guest worker program like the one proposed by President Bush.
Insulting beggar
"Maybe you're just taking your time," says the bearded guy on the Christian Children's Fund commercial. I do appreciate that the fund helps needy children. (Here it comes). Still, the righteous cocksucker can fuck himself. The only thing I take my time with is cuffing the governor.
Chinese reality TV
China is about to get its first reality TV show. It would be fun to see what happens to five Chinese from different backgrounds living together in the same cramped, urban apartment. In the final episode they can criticize the government and disappear.
LA reptile gives wildlife officers the slip
It's Dick Riordan as likely as not.
From Reuters:
From Reuters:
A mysterious, alligator-like creature that surfaced in a Los Angeles suburb has eluded capture for nearly a week, shrewdly passing up raw chicken bait and dodging reptile wranglers in pontoon boats.
Proof of Darwin's theory
This is just unbelievable. Teens who play the "pass-out game" occasionally die. No fucking shit.
From AP; bolding mine:
From AP; bolding mine:
LAWRENCE, Kan. - A teenager found hanging from a dresser drawer with a coated bicycle chain lock around her neck apparently died while playing the "pass-out game," the girl's parents said.
Kimberly Wilson, a 15-year-old student at Veritas Christian School in Lawrence, died last week.
Her parents, Tim and Carol Wilson, began discussing the details of her death Monday because they wanted other parents to be aware of the dangers of playing the choking game, which cuts off the oxygen supply to the brain. Those who play achieve a type of "high," they said.
Gaza pullout is rough going
The Israeli army is forcibly removing Gaza settlers this very moment. The numbers I heard put the number of Jews in Gaza at 4,000, with the number of Palestinians somewhere around two million. Hmmmm. A tiny handful of Jews surrounded by a large population, trained from birth to hate them and desire their death, have to be forced to leave? WTF?
Everything seems so clear from Orange County.
Everything seems so clear from Orange County.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Things that piss me off
1. Other drivers.
3. People who clip coupons. WTF? In the time it takes to clip a coupon for a thimble-sized container of nutsack-flavored ice cream, you could have done something else, like make more money on your fucking job so you don't have to sit down like a 90-year-old bag, cutting coupons.
4. People who are too cheap to run the AC in their car. If you have an air conditioner, and only a dickwad doesn't, FUCKING USE IT. Somebody actually told me they don't like air conditioning in the car. What, they like sweating? Fuck off.
5. Optical drives. For the love of God, man, when I'm moving through my file structure, opening this, closing that, browsing around, the last thing I want is a long goddamned pause while a piece-of-shit optical drive has to spin to life. People hailed CDs because they were so much better than 1.44 floppies, yet CDs were garbage the moment they came out. DVDs are still being hailed as the greatest thing since masturbation, even though they are complete garbage. I hate optical drives because they're inferior to many other storage technologies.
6. Dogs. I grew up with dogs and love them to death. Dogs are basically wonderful creatures, but I'm tired of people saying they're better than cats. Different, yes; better, not necessarily. I'm one of those people who can't bring himself to pick up another creature's feces in my GODDAMN HAND. I know that dog owners have cute little plastic bags specially designed for picking up juicy, smelly logs that have just been oooomphed out of their dog's anus, but you CAN STILL FEEL IT. Dog owners must secretly enjoy this ritual.
The day my cat lets out a nauseating, house-sized crap (like a dog), and I have to pick it up off the sidewalk, he'll be brought directly to the pound. Fortunately, cats are genetically predisposed to take care of their own poop. Thank fucking god. And they're quiet.
7. People who know nothing and seem proud of it. Nearly 100% of people I've met in my four decades has been fairly good at one or two things, namely their profession, and clueless about everything else. I mean, how the goddamned hell can a person be content to own a car, drive it every day -- fuck, completely rely on the damned machine -- and not have any desire to find out what happens when the accelerator is depressed?
When I meet somebody who owns a car and doesn't know the basic workings of the damned thing, I consider them a dumbass. Don't expect a return phone call from Don Long.
Are you one of those? You get behind the wheel every single day and yet never once had an inkling to open the hood and find out what that metal stuff was really doing under there? If so, you are a dumbass.
8. Fat people who don't try to hide the fact that their gluttony has given them diabetes. For the love of god, you unwashed pigs, check your glucose levels in private. When you break out your nifty, high-tech meter, you announce that you are are a swine and have no self control. Stay away from the rest of us.
9. Any animal or insect (okay, anything non-human) that stings, bites, or pokes. Roses, bees, snakes, sharkes, and the like should be made extinct. Trust me, the so-called natural order can survive it. I can honestly say that I've Raided every wasp and bee hive I've ever found and I feel warm and fuzzy about it. These things must die.
10. People who blame natural disasters on politicians and policies. The Asian tsunami of 2004 is a classic example. Muslim websites and some quasi-legitimate news agencies tried to say France had tested a nuclear device. The test caused the earthquake that caused the tsunami.
German newspapers blamed President Bush for Hurricane Katrina (global warming). What a bunch of numbnuts. Without doing any exhaustive research, I'd venture a wild-ass guess that category five hurricanes were around before the industrial revolution.
11. Minivans with small white stickers in the back window representing members of the driver's family. This idiotic California phenomenon is wholly hispanic, and includes "Ma Familia," followed by little white stick figures, one for each brat. Only an acerebral lemming would be proud of shitting out a large brood of children who will bond them in perpetual poverty. What's worse is that the "Ma Familia" minivans usually travel 10mph below the posted limit in the fast lane.
12. Slim cell phones. Who gives a holy, shit-eating damn? "My phone is slimmer than yours!" I want to throttle these idiots. What is better about a 5mm thick phone, versus, say, a 10mm thick phone? Does it fit in the anus better? Get lost, dipshits.
13. People who ride buses. In the not so distant past I was without wheels of my own, and so was forced to demean myself by riding public transit. I spent nine months with the Great Unwashed bus riders, and it was awful.
What is it about poor people that they don't wash? I've seen poor tenement buildings on TV, and they all have indoor plumbing, and presumably showers and such. And soap is still cheap in America. SO WHY DO THEY SMELL LIKE CORE ASSHOLE?! And why don't they know that farting in public is not socially acceptable?
One morning I was sitting by the window, reading the paper, with my duffle bag on the aisle seat. One of the Unwashed got on the bus while I was lost in my reading, and sat directly on my duffle. Who sits on somebody else's bag? What if I had been carrying around broken glass that day, or a bunch of knives?
The experience changed me. To this day I fart in elevators because everyone should suffer the way I did. Call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
14. Websites that block my view. A lot of websites automatically reload or use cutesy pop-up boxes to offer a preview content behind a link. Stop! Who wants to be rudely interrupted while reading? Sites with these annoying features can GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.
15. Muted trumpets. This may be the worst sound I have ever heard. It's more like a sheep getting its balls stomped than a musical instrument (I may be onto something; the stomping would give a nice bass beat to accompany the bleating). Every time I hear a muted trumped, I have a strong urge to strangle the player.
16. Movie critics and the self-serving promos. I read movie reviews in an attempt to find out what a film is about, and it's unfortunate that I have to claw through the weirdest form of writing to get that information. Critics' descriptions of movies are ridiculous. Nobody else writes such rubbish. And I really can't go to IMDB, because the plot synopses are usually written by The Great Unwashed (I cannt Stand gettinge my info from morans and the clinikly retarded.)
Here are a few examples I have seen. There are many others -- open any newspaper or visit any news / entertainment site.
Are these movie critics frustrated that they can't land jobs in Hollywood, as a friend of mine once suggested? Are they hoping some honcho will see their little review and think, "Hey, this guy is good. Let's hire him."? The reality is that when people read the reviews, for me anyway, the thought is, "What a dumbass. Leave the creative writing to the experts." There is no bigger idiot in the world than a movie critic.
17. DVDs because they redefine garbage, at least compared to a competing technology that has been around for many years -- MPEG and variations. Let me see if understand this nation correctly -- it's considered good to walk to the mailbox and see if a metal disc has been properly sent, via snail mail, from some warehouse in St. Louis? This should all be MPEGs or other computer files, not some slow, cumbersome metal-and-plastic disc, bulging with prehistoric DRM, that gets mailed. We are way beyond idiocy like that, and have been for many years.
Now that there's a Format War the situation is even more idiotic. I've got a Blue Ray swingin' between my legs.
18. People who don't "believe" in the separation of church and state. Most Republicans fall into this camp, if one can believe Fox News hosts. The very same people who ridicule Muslims for advocating Sharia ridicule people who want religion and government segregated in the USA. That's idiocy in its purest form.
19. Cable TV and similar TV systems, like satellite. While I enjoy my cable programs, the way they are packaged and sold is ridiculous. I have 400 channels, and only watch 30. Why am I paying for home shopping networks and WGN? We should have the choice of paying for any grouping of 30 or so channels. I'd pay proportionately more for this kind of service. I am seriously considering ditching cable and sticking to the internet, novels, and masturbation to pass the time.
20. Ceiling fans. I have three of them, in a relatively small apartment, and none have ever been switched on. The last thing I want is to have my eyes dried out with a blast of air forcing its way down onto me from the ceiling. What sort of turd thought of this? We live in an era of digitally controlled furnaces and central air conditioning, so why mess around with press-board fan blades rotating above us? I can't remember the last time I wanted to watch TV in a fucking wind tunnel.
21. PG-13 movies because they appeal to nobody. Never mind that these are usually the highest grossing films, which would seem to indicate a large appeal. A PG-13 film is just like cafeteria food. When you want or need food, a school or hospital cafeteria will certainly get the job done, but what a bland experience. The big-budget, explosion laden PG-13 film is the most obvious evidence of Hollywood's whorish nature. Intelligent or funny films don't need explosions and two-dimensional, stock characters. Nor does every story need a love story. Drop it, Hollywood. I'm getting very tired of dealing with pimps at $9.50 for two hours of bad dialogue and storylines that only appeal to teenagers.
22. Women who wear noisy shoes. Every time I'm sipping espresso at a sidewalk cafe and hear a cumbersome cloppity-clop noise, I look around to see which idiot is leading a cow down the street. Usually it turns out to be a "fashionable" young woman with wood soled shoes. WTF? Who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I'd like to make as much noise as possible while walking today."?
When I'm on a date with a woman wearing horse shoes, which is what I think of them, I am tempted to ask the waiter to get her an oat bag. And skip the wine -- just place a bowl of water on the ground.
I usually only have one date with a woman who wears horse shoes. A nice set of cans might persuade me to go out one more time.
23. Women who wear too much perfume, and Bath & Bodyworks. First off, wearing lots of perfume was high fashion in the roaring 20s (that's 1920s), and the practice has not been revived. I'm thoroughly nauseated by the huge amounts of perfume some women, usually middle-aged or fossilized, bucket onto themselves before going out. What is the matter with these people? Nobody is going to say, "Golly gee, ma'am, you smell nice today," because they're too busy coughing and trying to get away.
Ever been stuck in an elevator with one of these? I have to suppress the urge to urinate on these women in an attempt to wash off that stench.
Bath & Bodyworks -- I only enter one if a woman really wants me to go. And I can't breathe. No exaggeration; I cannot take a full breath. I can't believe these places are still in business. These rancid stores should have SCUBA gear available at the entrances for men to put on before going in.
One more thing -- anybody who buys "aroma therapy" candles is a friggin' dumbass. Think about it. Aroma therapy. You gotta have diminished brain capacity to go for something like that. Potpourri can fuck off, too.
24. Yoga and pilates and anyone who wastes time with them. If you want to get in shape and stay that way, work out. Crunch weights. Put time into genuine fitness and stop fucking around with this fad crap. People who gravitate to these idiotic "workout" fads are the same types of people who used to buy those contraptions to hang upside down from, or bought those little tiny trampolines and never used them. Smarten up, imbeciles. You have to work hard to stay fit.
25. People who order Chai Latte Mocha Soy Swill In A Cup. The only clever thing a movie critic has ever written was to call a specialty coffee drink from Starbucks a "five adjective cup of coffee." (See No. 16.) Drink coffee and shut up. If you want a chocolate malt, order a fucking chocolate malt and then get out of the way so we men can get a nice, steaming cup of black coffee.
26. Massage therapists. I love massages as much as the next guy, especially happy endings, but c'mon, a "massage therapist"? That's a real stretch. These people can't bring themselves to tell people at cocktail parties that they give back rubs for a living? Well, can't really blame them. It would be like somebody who makes ceramic pots telling people he's a fine artist.
Do these massage therapists not know that every time they tell people what they do for a living, the listener is biting back the urge to grunt and roll their eyes??! If you've picked a sissy profession you have an obligation to man-up (or woman-up) and admit it. I've just decided that the next time I meet somebody who tells me they're a massage therapist, I'm going to respond, "Oh, you give back rubs. How nice for you. College was too tough?"
27. DUI / DWI checkpoints. This is a clear violation of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. And remember, I'm a practical libertarian, not a freakish, anarchistic libertarian like 75% of them are. Read the Amendment if you don't believe me:
The last time I was stopped at a DUI checkpoint I said: "You know this is a violation of my 4th Amendment right, right?" You know what they said: "Yeah, we've heard that before."
28. Newspapers. Publishers need to realize that the era of the newspaper is coming to a close. It had a good run. We'll throw a party to see them off. I read news on the internet, like all intelligent people who have office jobs and/or can pay $32/mo for an internet connection at home. On the rare occasion I pick up a physical newspaper, I'm enormously frustrated for how bad they are compared to the web version. For instance (and I realize I'm preaching to the saved), I've already read today's news today. Why, precisely, do I want yesterday morning's news late tonight? I don't like getting my fingertips dirty, either.
But here's my biggest complaint with newspapers: when I see something about which I want more information, I can't just open another browser instance and search out that information. Anything worthwhile in a newspaper makes me think, and that thinking doesn't stop at the end of the column.
Maybe we should keep newspapers. They're useful for training puppies to shit outside.
29. Other WiFi users at the coffee shop. A few owners of coffee shops are smart enough to block torrent and other downloading schemes, but most are too dumb. Hell, they went through a lot of effort to start an unprofitable business, didn't they, so why should I be surprised they don't know how to manage internet service?
Countless times I'm trying to do legitimate things on the web, such as banking, writing, blogging, etc. You know, low-bandwidth stuff that's at least a tiny bit important. While doing these things, the connection slows to a fucking crawl. I start watching the other laptop users, trying to figure which MOTHERFUCKING INCONSIDERATE DICK-IN-MOUTH FUCKBREATH is hogging the entire goddamned bandwidth. Eventually one stupid little bastard -- nearly always male, with a Che Guevara t-shirt -- will get up and leave, and the whole connection speeds up dramatically.
I'm going to check the California State Codes to see if it's legal to strangle, shoot, and crap on dickheads like this.
If somebody wants to download movies and music, that's fine, but get your own, private internet service to do it.
30. Bicyclers. All bicycling should be restricted to specially-made bicycle-only pathways, away from roads designed for cars. It's bad enough that drivers have to worry constantly that some nutcase in spandex shorts will cause himself to be run over, but I can't believe the arrogant sense of entitlement bicyclers have. Where does this come from? They can screw themselves, and then get the fuck off my highway.
I used to reserve this anger for the really uppity bike-Nazis. You know, the really serious ones that wear all the specialized sissy-gear and ride $5000 road bikes and purposefully ride in the middle of the lane just to piss off drivers. But just the other day a friend of mine, who feels the same way about bicyclers, mentioned that even the casual riders who don't think they own the friggin' world should get lost. And he's right. All bicyclers can summarily fuck off.
Recently our society has been treated to "Day Without An Immigrant" and "Day Without A Gay"; how about "100 Years Without Arrogant Motherfucking Bicyclers"?
31. Twitter. I think cutsey is the best word to describe this dumb phenomenon, and all things cutsey can fuck off. Why, you ask? I just went to twitter.com and searched for "eating a sandwich".
What's great about twitter-bashing is that both sides of the equation are fair game. "Tweeters" and their followers are equally acerebral. We need a state to volunteer to take all of our idiots, especially the twitter crowd. Oh, wait, we already have one -- Mississippi.
32. YouTube. I do like YouTube; I spend a fair amount of time searching out videos, I admit. Thing is, we need two YouTubes. There needs to be one for STUPID FUCKING TEENAGE GARBAGE and one for the good videos. No matter what I search for, the first two pages of returns are teen girls talking about flirting with boys or Justin PLEASE-CROAK-SOON Bieber. When I want to see a video about the latest features in PhotoShop, I don't appreciate the under-21 crowd fucking things up. We need YouTube and StupidWorthlessChildrenTube.
And, if I ever become CEO of Google, I will ban cat videos unless they show a cat attacking somebody who likes cat videos. The car crashes can stay.
33. Electric Cars, and especially their owners. Let's see if I'm clever enough to understand the thinking here. Let's spend $30,000 on a tiny, uncomfortable car that's powered by coal instead of spending $11,000 on a 40-mpg car, of similar size and quality, that runs on gasoline. Is that about right? Do I need to say anything else?
34. People who drive Nissan Altimas. It used to be that young white men who drive pickups were the least skilled, most aggressive drivers on the road (funny how those two things are found together so often). This is no longer true, thanks to the Altima.
The pickup drivers are amusing, too. Countless times I've been beside a pickup at a red light, and when the light turns green I purposefully accelerate slightly faster than them just to watch them stop at nothing to get the nose of their vehicle in front of mine. They won't stop until I let off the gas. It's amazing how fast they're willing to go just to be out front. It's not a race, mind you, they just have to be first, or, presumably, they won't feel good about themselves. I really don't know the psychology there, but it's amusing as hell.
As of five years ago, the idiot young men in pickups have been knocked off their Perch of Idiocy by punks who drive Altimas. Unlike the young white men in the trucks, the Altima morons are both genders, and a variety of races.
Every time I see the following behavior, it's from an Altima driver: exiting the freeway from the fast lane, cutting in front of three lanes of traffic, without a signal; merging onto the freeway without looking to see if there's an opening for them; changing lanes into me on the freeway without looking or signaling and then getting angry when I tap my horn; angrily going around me in heavy rush-hour traffic only to get half a car-length up, then having to slam on their brakes because their new lane is completely blocked by gridlock. Meanwhile, I zoom right on by.
That Altimas are usually driven by fools can't be coincidental. Nissan must be giving credit to just about anybody.
35. People who don't put the divider after their groceries. It never fails. I'm in line at the grocery store and the guy in front of me has just put all his groceries on the conveyor belt and can't be bothered to put the divider after them. It's too much effort, or it's because most humans are only peripherally aware of other people. I've perfected an audible sigh loud enough to be heard over the din of a noisy grocery store. I drop the divider noisily from six inches up to further emphasize how much I despise them.
Here's another good one. At the busiest time, five o'clock at the grocery store, and the lines are long, even at the self-scan area. Everyone has a cart full of stuff, except for the one unwashed construction worker who thought it was worthwhile to stand in a 20-minute line clutching a solitary, promotional-sized bottle of Bud Light. You know the type -- they can tell you the affects of a torn rotator cuff on a pitching arm, but can't do simple math.
For reasons unknown, he won't set his vice on the belt, he keeps it in his hand. The rest of us -- the cleanshaven, educated types -- behind him are busily emptying the contents of our carts onto the belt. Because Laborer George (or Jorge as often as not) isn't clever enough to see the value of the belt and the dividers, my groceries roll right to the front when it's his turn to pay. The cashier starts scanning my items. I wave her off and she looks at me in confusion, then at the Unwashed.
"Ah, this is all mine," I say. "I think he has...just that." The Unwashed says, "Duh. Uh. Hmmph." Cashier dutifully grabs the beer bottle from the guy and they conduct business. When the cashier asks if he has a saver card, a puzzled look crosses the man's face. The cashier will exchange glances with me, and without words we have a conversation, Yep, he's one of those.
My last gripe about trips to the grocery... I usually use the self-scan lanes because they're faster and I don't have to interact with a unionized dolt who pretends to want to know how my day has been going. "Well, fine, ma'am, until I had to talk to a cashier who makes $26 per hour and gets fantastic benefits on top of that. Is that why food costs are so fucking high? How are you doing?"
The concept of the self-scan thing is good, and sometimes the machines work well. Usually there's a problem, though, and I think I can guess what it is. You press the "Begin" button and, 35 seconds later, it says "Welcome to Asshole Grocery Store" on the screen. You scan your first item and, 10 seconds later, there's a beep. When you're done, you press "Done" -- at least they got that right. Thirty seconds later the machine is ready to accept money. DO THESE MOTHERFUCKING MACHINES USE 386 CHIPS WITH 256K OF RAM OR WHAT? WHO THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DERELICT (OR CHEAP) ENGINEERING? Sometimes I just want to take out The Award Winner and piss on the damned machines because they're so frustratingly lethargic. Seriously, what is inside the self-scan machines, an abacus and a sand timer?
36. Too many Christmas lights. I love a modest display, for sure, but every time I see a house that's ablaze with thousands of lights I think of the Dreyfus character in Close Encounters, making models of Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes. The same type of person festoons their home with the garish Christmas displays. Did Jesus light up his hut like that? Maybe that's how the Romans found him. "Centurion, it's the one lighting up the night sky. I'll get the cross."
37. Europeans and their pride in small, powerless cars. Post-WWII Old Europe has become a socialist cesspool, where anything pertaining to the industrial revolution, such as car ownership, is a bad thing. I've spoken to more than one European, even a couple of Brits, who said the large cars with large engines in America are ridiculous and irresponsible. Here's what's happening: their governments have coerced and social engineered them to take buses and trains, an uncomfortable, inconvenient, inferior mode of transport -- and they don't even know they've been conditioned. Not only have the leftists brainwashed the Old Europeans, they've taught them to take pride in their own enslavement.
Tacitus said of the British, "A liking sprang up for our style of dress, and the toga became fashionable. Step by step they were led to things which dispose to vice, the lounge, the bath, the elegant banquet. All this in their ignorance they called civilization, when it was but a part of their servitude."
The toga, bath and banquet have been replaced by trains and exorbitant taxation. Being coerced by government away from cars luxurient and powerful, and into silly little cars, is part of European servitude. Those are the lucky ones; the majority of Europeans can't afford a license, or a car, or even the grossly taxed fuel. This unlucky majority is stuck waiting for a train, then packing in like cattle for a slow journey.
38. Rain. To be more specific, I don't like rain in Southern California. Don't the Weather Gods know we moved here to get away from bad weather? Here's the part of rain I like least: every time we get even a few drops, some imbecile in line at the ATM looks at the sky and says, "Well, we needed it." Really?? A region that averages less than a foot of rain per year needed that half inch, dumbkopf?
The southwestern United States is a GIGANTIC FUCKING DESERT, SO NOBODY NEEDS TO SAY, 'WE NEEDED IT'. Saying it aloud is like eating a meal and saying, "I needed it." No shit. Every desert on earth needs rain, ofuckingkay?
What's more, we'll never get enough rain. That's a hallmark of any desert, and it's the reason the area is a desert. People who say, "We needed it," need to be backhanded.
39. Unboxing videos. YouTube is more than entertainment. It has become, for me, a way to test-drive products before I make a purchase decision. I watch a lot of videos about tech devices because, like you, I hungrily consume such things. Why, somebody tell me, do I want to watch a video of a pimply-faced teenager "unboxing" a tech device? I'm not interested in what it looks like to take a device out of the friggin box.
"Wow, honey, come here and look at this box. This high-school kid with a cracked voice is taking something out of the box! Look, it's a phone! It's a phone!"
Start the video when it's ready to be powered up. You morons can unbox my ass.
To be continued...
a. People who drive in the left lane. The Shaved Apes, at least the ones in the United States, are too stupid to drive in the right-hand lanes, and use the left for passing. Idiots. They just can't grasp the concept. It's not taught to them as children, nor in driver's ed. And what's far, far more sinister -- they can't spot a fucking pattern as allegedly intelligent adults! Look around you, people! The left lane is for overtaking. What is your FUCKING PROBLEM?!
b. People who drive under the speed limit. And for the dozens of people I catch every single day driving under the limit in the left lane (in light traffic) -- wise up. Do you know that your existence is an aggravation to higher life forms?
c. People who drive Buicks. These are older folks. I really don't like making fun of them, seeing as I'm going to be a member of this exclusive club one day. Oh but how they piss me off behind the wheel. I have never seen a Buick that wasn't driving at 60% of the posted limited. What...the...fuck...is...wrong...with...these...people? I would love (the joyful, drooling variety) to have a huge, metal bumper on my car to shove these pieces of dung out of the way.
Oldies, if you can't see well enough to drive, get the FUCK OFF THE ROAD. You are a selfish pile of stool to place your ambulatory need above basic safety. How important is your hair appointment? Your grandkids can't drive to your house? There are grocery delivery services. There are taxifuckingcabs. And how many cases of "unintended acceleration" do you think society will accept before Buicks are banned?
3. People who clip coupons. WTF? In the time it takes to clip a coupon for a thimble-sized container of nutsack-flavored ice cream, you could have done something else, like make more money on your fucking job so you don't have to sit down like a 90-year-old bag, cutting coupons.
4. People who are too cheap to run the AC in their car. If you have an air conditioner, and only a dickwad doesn't, FUCKING USE IT. Somebody actually told me they don't like air conditioning in the car. What, they like sweating? Fuck off.
5. Optical drives. For the love of God, man, when I'm moving through my file structure, opening this, closing that, browsing around, the last thing I want is a long goddamned pause while a piece-of-shit optical drive has to spin to life. People hailed CDs because they were so much better than 1.44 floppies, yet CDs were garbage the moment they came out. DVDs are still being hailed as the greatest thing since masturbation, even though they are complete garbage. I hate optical drives because they're inferior to many other storage technologies.
6. Dogs. I grew up with dogs and love them to death. Dogs are basically wonderful creatures, but I'm tired of people saying they're better than cats. Different, yes; better, not necessarily. I'm one of those people who can't bring himself to pick up another creature's feces in my GODDAMN HAND. I know that dog owners have cute little plastic bags specially designed for picking up juicy, smelly logs that have just been oooomphed out of their dog's anus, but you CAN STILL FEEL IT. Dog owners must secretly enjoy this ritual.
The day my cat lets out a nauseating, house-sized crap (like a dog), and I have to pick it up off the sidewalk, he'll be brought directly to the pound. Fortunately, cats are genetically predisposed to take care of their own poop. Thank fucking god. And they're quiet.
7. People who know nothing and seem proud of it. Nearly 100% of people I've met in my four decades has been fairly good at one or two things, namely their profession, and clueless about everything else. I mean, how the goddamned hell can a person be content to own a car, drive it every day -- fuck, completely rely on the damned machine -- and not have any desire to find out what happens when the accelerator is depressed?
When I meet somebody who owns a car and doesn't know the basic workings of the damned thing, I consider them a dumbass. Don't expect a return phone call from Don Long.
Are you one of those? You get behind the wheel every single day and yet never once had an inkling to open the hood and find out what that metal stuff was really doing under there? If so, you are a dumbass.
8. Fat people who don't try to hide the fact that their gluttony has given them diabetes. For the love of god, you unwashed pigs, check your glucose levels in private. When you break out your nifty, high-tech meter, you announce that you are are a swine and have no self control. Stay away from the rest of us.
9. Any animal or insect (okay, anything non-human) that stings, bites, or pokes. Roses, bees, snakes, sharkes, and the like should be made extinct. Trust me, the so-called natural order can survive it. I can honestly say that I've Raided every wasp and bee hive I've ever found and I feel warm and fuzzy about it. These things must die.
10. People who blame natural disasters on politicians and policies. The Asian tsunami of 2004 is a classic example. Muslim websites and some quasi-legitimate news agencies tried to say France had tested a nuclear device. The test caused the earthquake that caused the tsunami.
German newspapers blamed President Bush for Hurricane Katrina (global warming). What a bunch of numbnuts. Without doing any exhaustive research, I'd venture a wild-ass guess that category five hurricanes were around before the industrial revolution.
11. Minivans with small white stickers in the back window representing members of the driver's family. This idiotic California phenomenon is wholly hispanic, and includes "Ma Familia," followed by little white stick figures, one for each brat. Only an acerebral lemming would be proud of shitting out a large brood of children who will bond them in perpetual poverty. What's worse is that the "Ma Familia" minivans usually travel 10mph below the posted limit in the fast lane.
12. Slim cell phones. Who gives a holy, shit-eating damn? "My phone is slimmer than yours!" I want to throttle these idiots. What is better about a 5mm thick phone, versus, say, a 10mm thick phone? Does it fit in the anus better? Get lost, dipshits.
13. People who ride buses. In the not so distant past I was without wheels of my own, and so was forced to demean myself by riding public transit. I spent nine months with the Great Unwashed bus riders, and it was awful.
What is it about poor people that they don't wash? I've seen poor tenement buildings on TV, and they all have indoor plumbing, and presumably showers and such. And soap is still cheap in America. SO WHY DO THEY SMELL LIKE CORE ASSHOLE?! And why don't they know that farting in public is not socially acceptable?
One morning I was sitting by the window, reading the paper, with my duffle bag on the aisle seat. One of the Unwashed got on the bus while I was lost in my reading, and sat directly on my duffle. Who sits on somebody else's bag? What if I had been carrying around broken glass that day, or a bunch of knives?
The experience changed me. To this day I fart in elevators because everyone should suffer the way I did. Call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
14. Websites that block my view. A lot of websites automatically reload or use cutesy pop-up boxes to offer a preview content behind a link. Stop! Who wants to be rudely interrupted while reading? Sites with these annoying features can GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.
15. Muted trumpets. This may be the worst sound I have ever heard. It's more like a sheep getting its balls stomped than a musical instrument (I may be onto something; the stomping would give a nice bass beat to accompany the bleating). Every time I hear a muted trumped, I have a strong urge to strangle the player.
16. Movie critics and the self-serving promos. I read movie reviews in an attempt to find out what a film is about, and it's unfortunate that I have to claw through the weirdest form of writing to get that information. Critics' descriptions of movies are ridiculous. Nobody else writes such rubbish. And I really can't go to IMDB, because the plot synopses are usually written by The Great Unwashed (I cannt Stand gettinge my info from morans and the clinikly retarded.)
Here are a few examples I have seen. There are many others -- open any newspaper or visit any news / entertainment site.
smartly funny -- This one is the all-time worst. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is "smartly funny." Not on this planet. It is painfully clear that the writer thinks HE'S smartly funny, and surely it must show in the writing? Wrong, asshole.
non-stop thrill ride of the summer -- Not even roller coasters are described with this level of ... glee? Absurdity? Stupidity? You tell me what it is. I don't think of movies this way. Who the fuck does? And who would even want to see a movie like that? It would be like claiming a movie is "one continuous explosion after another". Yiippeee!
self-aware nostalgia -- I only recently discovered this one. A movie was described as possessing "self-aware nostalgia". What does this mean? It means the writer sat down with a bottle of scotch, two mescaline tabs, and started to type. And when his editor got the copy, he was too stupid or too afraid to tell the writer to fuck off.
This could be the mechanized rigor mortis of the chick flick genre, with Daphne long retired from sex to spend quality time with her dog (you wonder if Woody Allen will look and think: I've been replaced).
Are these movie critics frustrated that they can't land jobs in Hollywood, as a friend of mine once suggested? Are they hoping some honcho will see their little review and think, "Hey, this guy is good. Let's hire him."? The reality is that when people read the reviews, for me anyway, the thought is, "What a dumbass. Leave the creative writing to the experts." There is no bigger idiot in the world than a movie critic.
17. DVDs because they redefine garbage, at least compared to a competing technology that has been around for many years -- MPEG and variations. Let me see if understand this nation correctly -- it's considered good to walk to the mailbox and see if a metal disc has been properly sent, via snail mail, from some warehouse in St. Louis? This should all be MPEGs or other computer files, not some slow, cumbersome metal-and-plastic disc, bulging with prehistoric DRM, that gets mailed. We are way beyond idiocy like that, and have been for many years.
Now that there's a Format War the situation is even more idiotic. I've got a Blue Ray swingin' between my legs.
18. People who don't "believe" in the separation of church and state. Most Republicans fall into this camp, if one can believe Fox News hosts. The very same people who ridicule Muslims for advocating Sharia ridicule people who want religion and government segregated in the USA. That's idiocy in its purest form.
19. Cable TV and similar TV systems, like satellite. While I enjoy my cable programs, the way they are packaged and sold is ridiculous. I have 400 channels, and only watch 30. Why am I paying for home shopping networks and WGN? We should have the choice of paying for any grouping of 30 or so channels. I'd pay proportionately more for this kind of service. I am seriously considering ditching cable and sticking to the internet, novels, and masturbation to pass the time.
20. Ceiling fans. I have three of them, in a relatively small apartment, and none have ever been switched on. The last thing I want is to have my eyes dried out with a blast of air forcing its way down onto me from the ceiling. What sort of turd thought of this? We live in an era of digitally controlled furnaces and central air conditioning, so why mess around with press-board fan blades rotating above us? I can't remember the last time I wanted to watch TV in a fucking wind tunnel.
21. PG-13 movies because they appeal to nobody. Never mind that these are usually the highest grossing films, which would seem to indicate a large appeal. A PG-13 film is just like cafeteria food. When you want or need food, a school or hospital cafeteria will certainly get the job done, but what a bland experience. The big-budget, explosion laden PG-13 film is the most obvious evidence of Hollywood's whorish nature. Intelligent or funny films don't need explosions and two-dimensional, stock characters. Nor does every story need a love story. Drop it, Hollywood. I'm getting very tired of dealing with pimps at $9.50 for two hours of bad dialogue and storylines that only appeal to teenagers.
22. Women who wear noisy shoes. Every time I'm sipping espresso at a sidewalk cafe and hear a cumbersome cloppity-clop noise, I look around to see which idiot is leading a cow down the street. Usually it turns out to be a "fashionable" young woman with wood soled shoes. WTF? Who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I'd like to make as much noise as possible while walking today."?
When I'm on a date with a woman wearing horse shoes, which is what I think of them, I am tempted to ask the waiter to get her an oat bag. And skip the wine -- just place a bowl of water on the ground.
I usually only have one date with a woman who wears horse shoes. A nice set of cans might persuade me to go out one more time.
23. Women who wear too much perfume, and Bath & Bodyworks. First off, wearing lots of perfume was high fashion in the roaring 20s (that's 1920s), and the practice has not been revived. I'm thoroughly nauseated by the huge amounts of perfume some women, usually middle-aged or fossilized, bucket onto themselves before going out. What is the matter with these people? Nobody is going to say, "Golly gee, ma'am, you smell nice today," because they're too busy coughing and trying to get away.
Ever been stuck in an elevator with one of these? I have to suppress the urge to urinate on these women in an attempt to wash off that stench.
Bath & Bodyworks -- I only enter one if a woman really wants me to go. And I can't breathe. No exaggeration; I cannot take a full breath. I can't believe these places are still in business. These rancid stores should have SCUBA gear available at the entrances for men to put on before going in.
One more thing -- anybody who buys "aroma therapy" candles is a friggin' dumbass. Think about it. Aroma therapy. You gotta have diminished brain capacity to go for something like that. Potpourri can fuck off, too.
24. Yoga and pilates and anyone who wastes time with them. If you want to get in shape and stay that way, work out. Crunch weights. Put time into genuine fitness and stop fucking around with this fad crap. People who gravitate to these idiotic "workout" fads are the same types of people who used to buy those contraptions to hang upside down from, or bought those little tiny trampolines and never used them. Smarten up, imbeciles. You have to work hard to stay fit.
25. People who order Chai Latte Mocha Soy Swill In A Cup. The only clever thing a movie critic has ever written was to call a specialty coffee drink from Starbucks a "five adjective cup of coffee." (See No. 16.) Drink coffee and shut up. If you want a chocolate malt, order a fucking chocolate malt and then get out of the way so we men can get a nice, steaming cup of black coffee.
26. Massage therapists. I love massages as much as the next guy, especially happy endings, but c'mon, a "massage therapist"? That's a real stretch. These people can't bring themselves to tell people at cocktail parties that they give back rubs for a living? Well, can't really blame them. It would be like somebody who makes ceramic pots telling people he's a fine artist.
Do these massage therapists not know that every time they tell people what they do for a living, the listener is biting back the urge to grunt and roll their eyes??! If you've picked a sissy profession you have an obligation to man-up (or woman-up) and admit it. I've just decided that the next time I meet somebody who tells me they're a massage therapist, I'm going to respond, "Oh, you give back rubs. How nice for you. College was too tough?"
27. DUI / DWI checkpoints. This is a clear violation of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. And remember, I'm a practical libertarian, not a freakish, anarchistic libertarian like 75% of them are. Read the Amendment if you don't believe me:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
The last time I was stopped at a DUI checkpoint I said: "You know this is a violation of my 4th Amendment right, right?" You know what they said: "Yeah, we've heard that before."
28. Newspapers. Publishers need to realize that the era of the newspaper is coming to a close. It had a good run. We'll throw a party to see them off. I read news on the internet, like all intelligent people who have office jobs and/or can pay $32/mo for an internet connection at home. On the rare occasion I pick up a physical newspaper, I'm enormously frustrated for how bad they are compared to the web version. For instance (and I realize I'm preaching to the saved), I've already read today's news today. Why, precisely, do I want yesterday morning's news late tonight? I don't like getting my fingertips dirty, either.
But here's my biggest complaint with newspapers: when I see something about which I want more information, I can't just open another browser instance and search out that information. Anything worthwhile in a newspaper makes me think, and that thinking doesn't stop at the end of the column.
Maybe we should keep newspapers. They're useful for training puppies to shit outside.
29. Other WiFi users at the coffee shop. A few owners of coffee shops are smart enough to block torrent and other downloading schemes, but most are too dumb. Hell, they went through a lot of effort to start an unprofitable business, didn't they, so why should I be surprised they don't know how to manage internet service?
Countless times I'm trying to do legitimate things on the web, such as banking, writing, blogging, etc. You know, low-bandwidth stuff that's at least a tiny bit important. While doing these things, the connection slows to a fucking crawl. I start watching the other laptop users, trying to figure which MOTHERFUCKING INCONSIDERATE DICK-IN-MOUTH FUCKBREATH is hogging the entire goddamned bandwidth. Eventually one stupid little bastard -- nearly always male, with a Che Guevara t-shirt -- will get up and leave, and the whole connection speeds up dramatically.
I'm going to check the California State Codes to see if it's legal to strangle, shoot, and crap on dickheads like this.
If somebody wants to download movies and music, that's fine, but get your own, private internet service to do it.
30. Bicyclers. All bicycling should be restricted to specially-made bicycle-only pathways, away from roads designed for cars. It's bad enough that drivers have to worry constantly that some nutcase in spandex shorts will cause himself to be run over, but I can't believe the arrogant sense of entitlement bicyclers have. Where does this come from? They can screw themselves, and then get the fuck off my highway.
I used to reserve this anger for the really uppity bike-Nazis. You know, the really serious ones that wear all the specialized sissy-gear and ride $5000 road bikes and purposefully ride in the middle of the lane just to piss off drivers. But just the other day a friend of mine, who feels the same way about bicyclers, mentioned that even the casual riders who don't think they own the friggin' world should get lost. And he's right. All bicyclers can summarily fuck off.
Recently our society has been treated to "Day Without An Immigrant" and "Day Without A Gay"; how about "100 Years Without Arrogant Motherfucking Bicyclers"?
31. Twitter. I think cutsey is the best word to describe this dumb phenomenon, and all things cutsey can fuck off. Why, you ask? I just went to twitter.com and searched for "eating a sandwich".
Getting me hair done while eating a sandwich
I'm up and eating a bacon sandwich
Eating a turkey sandwich lol
im at home. eating a sandwich and watching martha stewart
I'm here eating a peanut butter sandwich
im making myself a turkey sandwich
What's great about twitter-bashing is that both sides of the equation are fair game. "Tweeters" and their followers are equally acerebral. We need a state to volunteer to take all of our idiots, especially the twitter crowd. Oh, wait, we already have one -- Mississippi.
32. YouTube. I do like YouTube; I spend a fair amount of time searching out videos, I admit. Thing is, we need two YouTubes. There needs to be one for STUPID FUCKING TEENAGE GARBAGE and one for the good videos. No matter what I search for, the first two pages of returns are teen girls talking about flirting with boys or Justin PLEASE-CROAK-SOON Bieber. When I want to see a video about the latest features in PhotoShop, I don't appreciate the under-21 crowd fucking things up. We need YouTube and StupidWorthlessChildrenTube.
And, if I ever become CEO of Google, I will ban cat videos unless they show a cat attacking somebody who likes cat videos. The car crashes can stay.
33. Electric Cars, and especially their owners. Let's see if I'm clever enough to understand the thinking here. Let's spend $30,000 on a tiny, uncomfortable car that's powered by coal instead of spending $11,000 on a 40-mpg car, of similar size and quality, that runs on gasoline. Is that about right? Do I need to say anything else?
34. People who drive Nissan Altimas. It used to be that young white men who drive pickups were the least skilled, most aggressive drivers on the road (funny how those two things are found together so often). This is no longer true, thanks to the Altima.
The pickup drivers are amusing, too. Countless times I've been beside a pickup at a red light, and when the light turns green I purposefully accelerate slightly faster than them just to watch them stop at nothing to get the nose of their vehicle in front of mine. They won't stop until I let off the gas. It's amazing how fast they're willing to go just to be out front. It's not a race, mind you, they just have to be first, or, presumably, they won't feel good about themselves. I really don't know the psychology there, but it's amusing as hell.
As of five years ago, the idiot young men in pickups have been knocked off their Perch of Idiocy by punks who drive Altimas. Unlike the young white men in the trucks, the Altima morons are both genders, and a variety of races.
Every time I see the following behavior, it's from an Altima driver: exiting the freeway from the fast lane, cutting in front of three lanes of traffic, without a signal; merging onto the freeway without looking to see if there's an opening for them; changing lanes into me on the freeway without looking or signaling and then getting angry when I tap my horn; angrily going around me in heavy rush-hour traffic only to get half a car-length up, then having to slam on their brakes because their new lane is completely blocked by gridlock. Meanwhile, I zoom right on by.
That Altimas are usually driven by fools can't be coincidental. Nissan must be giving credit to just about anybody.
35. People who don't put the divider after their groceries. It never fails. I'm in line at the grocery store and the guy in front of me has just put all his groceries on the conveyor belt and can't be bothered to put the divider after them. It's too much effort, or it's because most humans are only peripherally aware of other people. I've perfected an audible sigh loud enough to be heard over the din of a noisy grocery store. I drop the divider noisily from six inches up to further emphasize how much I despise them.
Here's another good one. At the busiest time, five o'clock at the grocery store, and the lines are long, even at the self-scan area. Everyone has a cart full of stuff, except for the one unwashed construction worker who thought it was worthwhile to stand in a 20-minute line clutching a solitary, promotional-sized bottle of Bud Light. You know the type -- they can tell you the affects of a torn rotator cuff on a pitching arm, but can't do simple math.
For reasons unknown, he won't set his vice on the belt, he keeps it in his hand. The rest of us -- the cleanshaven, educated types -- behind him are busily emptying the contents of our carts onto the belt. Because Laborer George (or Jorge as often as not) isn't clever enough to see the value of the belt and the dividers, my groceries roll right to the front when it's his turn to pay. The cashier starts scanning my items. I wave her off and she looks at me in confusion, then at the Unwashed.
"Ah, this is all mine," I say. "I think he has...just that." The Unwashed says, "Duh. Uh. Hmmph." Cashier dutifully grabs the beer bottle from the guy and they conduct business. When the cashier asks if he has a saver card, a puzzled look crosses the man's face. The cashier will exchange glances with me, and without words we have a conversation, Yep, he's one of those.
My last gripe about trips to the grocery... I usually use the self-scan lanes because they're faster and I don't have to interact with a unionized dolt who pretends to want to know how my day has been going. "Well, fine, ma'am, until I had to talk to a cashier who makes $26 per hour and gets fantastic benefits on top of that. Is that why food costs are so fucking high? How are you doing?"
The concept of the self-scan thing is good, and sometimes the machines work well. Usually there's a problem, though, and I think I can guess what it is. You press the "Begin" button and, 35 seconds later, it says "Welcome to Asshole Grocery Store" on the screen. You scan your first item and, 10 seconds later, there's a beep. When you're done, you press "Done" -- at least they got that right. Thirty seconds later the machine is ready to accept money. DO THESE MOTHERFUCKING MACHINES USE 386 CHIPS WITH 256K OF RAM OR WHAT? WHO THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DERELICT (OR CHEAP) ENGINEERING? Sometimes I just want to take out The Award Winner and piss on the damned machines because they're so frustratingly lethargic. Seriously, what is inside the self-scan machines, an abacus and a sand timer?
36. Too many Christmas lights. I love a modest display, for sure, but every time I see a house that's ablaze with thousands of lights I think of the Dreyfus character in Close Encounters, making models of Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes. The same type of person festoons their home with the garish Christmas displays. Did Jesus light up his hut like that? Maybe that's how the Romans found him. "Centurion, it's the one lighting up the night sky. I'll get the cross."
37. Europeans and their pride in small, powerless cars. Post-WWII Old Europe has become a socialist cesspool, where anything pertaining to the industrial revolution, such as car ownership, is a bad thing. I've spoken to more than one European, even a couple of Brits, who said the large cars with large engines in America are ridiculous and irresponsible. Here's what's happening: their governments have coerced and social engineered them to take buses and trains, an uncomfortable, inconvenient, inferior mode of transport -- and they don't even know they've been conditioned. Not only have the leftists brainwashed the Old Europeans, they've taught them to take pride in their own enslavement.
Tacitus said of the British, "A liking sprang up for our style of dress, and the toga became fashionable. Step by step they were led to things which dispose to vice, the lounge, the bath, the elegant banquet. All this in their ignorance they called civilization, when it was but a part of their servitude."
The toga, bath and banquet have been replaced by trains and exorbitant taxation. Being coerced by government away from cars luxurient and powerful, and into silly little cars, is part of European servitude. Those are the lucky ones; the majority of Europeans can't afford a license, or a car, or even the grossly taxed fuel. This unlucky majority is stuck waiting for a train, then packing in like cattle for a slow journey.
38. Rain. To be more specific, I don't like rain in Southern California. Don't the Weather Gods know we moved here to get away from bad weather? Here's the part of rain I like least: every time we get even a few drops, some imbecile in line at the ATM looks at the sky and says, "Well, we needed it." Really?? A region that averages less than a foot of rain per year needed that half inch, dumbkopf?
The southwestern United States is a GIGANTIC FUCKING DESERT, SO NOBODY NEEDS TO SAY, 'WE NEEDED IT'. Saying it aloud is like eating a meal and saying, "I needed it." No shit. Every desert on earth needs rain, ofuckingkay?
What's more, we'll never get enough rain. That's a hallmark of any desert, and it's the reason the area is a desert. People who say, "We needed it," need to be backhanded.
39. Unboxing videos. YouTube is more than entertainment. It has become, for me, a way to test-drive products before I make a purchase decision. I watch a lot of videos about tech devices because, like you, I hungrily consume such things. Why, somebody tell me, do I want to watch a video of a pimply-faced teenager "unboxing" a tech device? I'm not interested in what it looks like to take a device out of the friggin box.
"Wow, honey, come here and look at this box. This high-school kid with a cracked voice is taking something out of the box! Look, it's a phone! It's a phone!"
Start the video when it's ready to be powered up. You morons can unbox my ass.
To be continued...
Bridgestone's degenerate commercial
"The wheel goes round and round. The wheel...goes round. Bridgestone, passion for excellence."
Is it just me, or is Bridgestone's tire commercial the worst to ever grace a tellie? A pencil-thin, bald black man gyrating in a gray euro-suit, flanked by a pencil-thin black woman likewise gyrating, doesn't create an urge to buy a fucking tire. I honestly don't know what would create the urge, but THAT'S not it.
Is it just me, or is Bridgestone's tire commercial the worst to ever grace a tellie? A pencil-thin, bald black man gyrating in a gray euro-suit, flanked by a pencil-thin black woman likewise gyrating, doesn't create an urge to buy a fucking tire. I honestly don't know what would create the urge, but THAT'S not it.
Idiot drops "P" from P. Diddy
Why not name himself "Stupid A. Hole"? I've always admired accuracy over artistry.
From the USA Yesterday.
From the USA Yesterday.
17 dumbasses injured over laptop sale
A pre-announced sale of used iBooks caused a stampede. Seventeen stupid Shaved Apes were hurt. The Houston Testicle covered the idiocy; bolding is mine:
RICHMOND, VA. - Witnesses likened it to the running of the bulls.
Screams filled the air and police called for backup as people were trampled, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. A child's stroller was crushed. A woman urinated on herself.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Catalog of Kim Jong-Il rhetoric
NK News, the "database of North Korean propaganda," has arrived courtesy of a San Francisco web guy named Geoff Davis.
From Reuters:
One of the site's suggested searches is "peerlessly great man." This refers to Kimmy's warped little pa. I expected one or two hits. There were six pages.
Lastly, the site links to a North Korean travel site. Here's a taste:
"In an age where you can get Starbucks on Thai islands, Baskin-Robbins in Saigon, Coke and McDonalds just about everywhere, it's nice to finally visit a place lacking even the knowledge of such things."
From Reuters:
"Their propaganda is often unintentionally hilarious and I couldn't find an existing searchable database of the KCNA on the Web. Thus, NK News was born," Davis told Reuters.
This is nothing but a far-fetched logic of gangsters as it is a good example fully revealing the wicked nature and brazen-faced double-dealing tactics of the U.S. as a master hand at plot-breeding and deception.
One of the site's suggested searches is "peerlessly great man." This refers to Kimmy's warped little pa. I expected one or two hits. There were six pages.
Lastly, the site links to a North Korean travel site. Here's a taste:
"In an age where you can get Starbucks on Thai islands, Baskin-Robbins in Saigon, Coke and McDonalds just about everywhere, it's nice to finally visit a place lacking even the knowledge of such things."
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Cashing in on Cindy Sheehan
Making the Republican President look bad is the No. 1 job of Democrats. The opposite is true when Dems are in power.
Everyone knows that Sheehan already met with the president once. She said at the time that Bush was gracious and understanding. Now that she's done a shameful about-face, even her family is questioning her motives. I'm questioning her sanity.
What is wrong with this woman? Was she lying then, or is she lying now? I have pity for the woman's loss, but that's as far as it goes. Using the loss to become a Bush-hater is pathetic on its face. She should be ashamed.
Screamin' Dean:
Everyone knows that Sheehan already met with the president once. She said at the time that Bush was gracious and understanding. Now that she's done a shameful about-face, even her family is questioning her motives. I'm questioning her sanity.
What is wrong with this woman? Was she lying then, or is she lying now? I have pity for the woman's loss, but that's as far as it goes. Using the loss to become a Bush-hater is pathetic on its face. She should be ashamed.
Screamin' Dean:
"Because the president sent her son to Iraq, her son lost his life. I think the president should meet with any parent who has sacrificed their son or daughter for the defense of the United States of America," Dean told a Sunday morning network talk show.
German Chancellor smoking crack
Gerhardt Schroeder, ubercoward of Germany, still believes paying depraved despots is a good policy. The cowardice is amazing. Somebody has to tell Germans that they're a major part of the world now, and needn't feel guilty about atrocities committed nearly a century ago.
From the BBC:
I can only hope that Germany is Iran's first target with a nuclear-tipped cruise missile. That would be a very, very sad day, but it is the only thing that will wake up the chancellor. Remember that it was only the London bombings that awakened the people of Britain, and it was only 9/11 that awakened America.
From the BBC:
"Let's take the military option off the table. We have seen it doesn't work," Mr Schroeder told Social Democrats at the rally in Hanover, to rapturous applause from the crowd.
Mr Schroeder said it remained important that Iran did not gain atomic weapons, and a strong negotiating position was important.
I can only hope that Germany is Iran's first target with a nuclear-tipped cruise missile. That would be a very, very sad day, but it is the only thing that will wake up the chancellor. Remember that it was only the London bombings that awakened the people of Britain, and it was only 9/11 that awakened America.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Oil problems revealed
The San Diego Union-Tribune's online edition yesterday spelled out one of many problems with the oil industry. Get this: with oil playing a central role in the war on terrorism and illegal immigration (U.S. buys a lot of oil from Mexico), and with gas prices skyrocketing, environmentalists consistently block attempts to drill for our own damned oil.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Britain's long learning curve
The Brits have finally realized that terrorism is both real and bad. I honestly can't understand how they could have thought allowing Muslim clerics to preach the overthrow of Western civilization was anything but bad.
Britain has formally barred Omar Bakri, a militant Muslim "cleric" who fled to the Middle East when he saw the heat coming. This is the same crackpot who preached death and destruction (including the overthrow of the British government, the U.S. government, and spoke in support of killing children if it served to promote jihad) on the street in front of a London mosque. Bakri was there nearly 20 years, and by all accounts he was soaking up welfare (British dole).
Now that he's gone from America's ally, I hope CIA agents assassinate him in whichever mud hut he decides to call home.
I believe the once-great Brits are beginning to understand that multiculturalism is great only up to the point at which innocent people get ripped apart while sipping coffee, walking to the grocery store, or riding a tube car on the way to the office.
Fore many years I've discussed the pattern that Britian now fits: A country either disavows terrorism as a serious global problem or merely goes through the motions (like Poland joining the coalition to oust Saddam Hussein). Then the country gets hit very hard by terrorists. The US, Russia, and now Britain fit this pattern. After the major attack, civil liberties are curtailed slightly in favor of security, and a doctrine of preemption is adopted.
Spain is the somewhat cowardly exception to the rule. Spain gave in to terrorist demands by pulling out of Iraq early (and the public was never highly supportive of their role). In fact, they changed to a left-of-center, anti-Iraq government as an immediate response to the Madrid bombings March 11, 2004.
It's extremely unfortunate that a country must be terrorized, even brutalized, before it takes seriously the threat from terrorism. Led by John Howard, Australia may be the sole exception.
Britain has formally barred Omar Bakri, a militant Muslim "cleric" who fled to the Middle East when he saw the heat coming. This is the same crackpot who preached death and destruction (including the overthrow of the British government, the U.S. government, and spoke in support of killing children if it served to promote jihad) on the street in front of a London mosque. Bakri was there nearly 20 years, and by all accounts he was soaking up welfare (British dole).
Now that he's gone from America's ally, I hope CIA agents assassinate him in whichever mud hut he decides to call home.
I believe the once-great Brits are beginning to understand that multiculturalism is great only up to the point at which innocent people get ripped apart while sipping coffee, walking to the grocery store, or riding a tube car on the way to the office.
Fore many years I've discussed the pattern that Britian now fits: A country either disavows terrorism as a serious global problem or merely goes through the motions (like Poland joining the coalition to oust Saddam Hussein). Then the country gets hit very hard by terrorists. The US, Russia, and now Britain fit this pattern. After the major attack, civil liberties are curtailed slightly in favor of security, and a doctrine of preemption is adopted.
Spain is the somewhat cowardly exception to the rule. Spain gave in to terrorist demands by pulling out of Iraq early (and the public was never highly supportive of their role). In fact, they changed to a left-of-center, anti-Iraq government as an immediate response to the Madrid bombings March 11, 2004.
It's extremely unfortunate that a country must be terrorized, even brutalized, before it takes seriously the threat from terrorism. Led by John Howard, Australia may be the sole exception.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Little men with big, dangerous ideas
Or: Things to be concerned about
Iran
Iran has been watching Capital One credit card commercials again. They’ve just said “No” to the European Union and there are reports suggesting Iran plans to sell nukes abroad. I guess the bottom line was too small. The UN’s “nuclear watchdog”, the IAEA, has confirmed that UN seals on nuke material at Iran’s primary facility have been broken. The mullahs are messing with radioactivity again.
The IAEA mulls sending the mullahs to the UN Security Council. Iran knows very well that this is not a problem (see Iraq, Rwanda, Cambodia, Guatemala, and others). The UN has as much backbone as a stoned masseur.
Pakistan
The military dictator of Pakistan, Pervez Musharaff, has tested a nuclear-capable cruise missile with a 500 km range. This time India wasn’t notified beforehand.
Israel
Bennie Netanyahu staged a political stunt in an effort to win back the premiership. This is not unlike Sharon’s stunt at the Al Aqsa mosque a few years ago. Sharon called Bennie’s resignation less than honorable. They’re telling Israelis: “I’m more of a hardliner than the other guy.”
Now, thousands are rallying against the Israeli pullout from Gaza. The big picture is this: Let Palestine become a nation. Let it be recognized by Israel, the UN, the U.S., and the EU. Then, if the terrorism doesn’t stop, Israel can squash the bastards once and for all and not even The Guardian can criticize.
China & Russia
The first ever China-Russia wargames are beginning. Taiwan must be quaking.
North Korea
Kimmy's rhetoric knows no bounds.
Iran
Iran has been watching Capital One credit card commercials again. They’ve just said “No” to the European Union and there are reports suggesting Iran plans to sell nukes abroad. I guess the bottom line was too small. The UN’s “nuclear watchdog”, the IAEA, has confirmed that UN seals on nuke material at Iran’s primary facility have been broken. The mullahs are messing with radioactivity again.
The IAEA mulls sending the mullahs to the UN Security Council. Iran knows very well that this is not a problem (see Iraq, Rwanda, Cambodia, Guatemala, and others). The UN has as much backbone as a stoned masseur.
Pakistan
The military dictator of Pakistan, Pervez Musharaff, has tested a nuclear-capable cruise missile with a 500 km range. This time India wasn’t notified beforehand.
Israel
Bennie Netanyahu staged a political stunt in an effort to win back the premiership. This is not unlike Sharon’s stunt at the Al Aqsa mosque a few years ago. Sharon called Bennie’s resignation less than honorable. They’re telling Israelis: “I’m more of a hardliner than the other guy.”
Now, thousands are rallying against the Israeli pullout from Gaza. The big picture is this: Let Palestine become a nation. Let it be recognized by Israel, the UN, the U.S., and the EU. Then, if the terrorism doesn’t stop, Israel can squash the bastards once and for all and not even The Guardian can criticize.
China & Russia
The first ever China-Russia wargames are beginning. Taiwan must be quaking.
North Korea
Kimmy's rhetoric knows no bounds.
The Korean people experienced the disasters of the horrible war launched by the U.S. imperialists and are building a great prosperous powerful socialist nation despite the endless moves of the U.S. imperialists for aggression. For this type of people nothing is more precious than peace. Their firm peace-loving stand and struggle for it proceed from this conception. The peace the DPRK desires rules out slavish submission. It ardently loves peace and never wants a war but will exercise its sovereignty and strongly retaliate by force of arms against anyone coming to invade and conquer it.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Fox News disappoints
I appreciated Fox News from the start of the Iraq War (March 2003) through the Iraqi vote (January 2005). Over the same period I stopped watching CNN because it doesn’t matter what Aaron Brown and Paula Zahn say, less than 2,000 U.S. soldiers dead in a major war is a phenomenal achievement, and removing a sick little Arab dictator is a great concept.
The Big Three, CNNx2, and NPR (plus Pubic TV) are painfully liberal, so I believe it’s a great thing to have a counterbalance in Fox.
Still, I’m now winding down my Fox viewership. So far this year FNC has fixated on three stories that don’t interest me: Terri Schiavo, The Runaway Bride, and now Natalee Holloway.
Terri Schiavo. It was sad watching Sean Hannity say, night after night, that the Schiavo case exposed the left wing’s ‘culture of death.’ That’s idiotic bullshit. It’s a ridiculous effort to sensationalize and unnecessarily politicize a non-issue. The law is really clear about who makes end of life decisions – the spouse. Anyone who doesn’t like it can do two things: fill out a living will and make sure the family is aware of its existence, and lobby congress for new laws. Other than that, STFU, dumbasses.
The Runaway Bride. This story was a curiosity. A weak-minded broad hit the road. That’s all, folks! A backhand would cure whatever ails her. Yeah, I said that.
Natalee Holloway. Now Greta van Susteren is harassing the shit out of the entire island of Aruba. I wouldn’t be surprised if she disappeared, too. I tuned in a few nights ago to see her walk up to a motorist who said he was tired of the news coverage, and van Susteren was a real bitch to the guy. He should have decked her.
Van Susteren is embarrassing me personally. I wish she’d leave those people alone.
Ratings
Fox’s ratings, with the exception of Bill O’Reilly, are due to the Shaved Apes. These are the same philistines who watch American Idol, Elimidate, and professional “wrestling”. Pathetic. And that’s a fairly good litmus test. If you are a fan of any of those three shows, you are a stupid moron. Please get in the habit of mentioning you watch those shows when you meet new people. The rest of us would appreciate the signal to stay away.
With the sole exception of O’Reilly Factor, I won’t be watching Fox any time soon. If I get a brain tumor that eats 75% (no, make that 90%) of my brain, I might come back to see a lisping, blonde idiot make an ass of herself.
Bye, bye, Fox!
Hello, MSNBC.
The Big Three, CNNx2, and NPR (plus Pubic TV) are painfully liberal, so I believe it’s a great thing to have a counterbalance in Fox.
Still, I’m now winding down my Fox viewership. So far this year FNC has fixated on three stories that don’t interest me: Terri Schiavo, The Runaway Bride, and now Natalee Holloway.
Terri Schiavo. It was sad watching Sean Hannity say, night after night, that the Schiavo case exposed the left wing’s ‘culture of death.’ That’s idiotic bullshit. It’s a ridiculous effort to sensationalize and unnecessarily politicize a non-issue. The law is really clear about who makes end of life decisions – the spouse. Anyone who doesn’t like it can do two things: fill out a living will and make sure the family is aware of its existence, and lobby congress for new laws. Other than that, STFU, dumbasses.
The Runaway Bride. This story was a curiosity. A weak-minded broad hit the road. That’s all, folks! A backhand would cure whatever ails her. Yeah, I said that.
Natalee Holloway. Now Greta van Susteren is harassing the shit out of the entire island of Aruba. I wouldn’t be surprised if she disappeared, too. I tuned in a few nights ago to see her walk up to a motorist who said he was tired of the news coverage, and van Susteren was a real bitch to the guy. He should have decked her.
Van Susteren is embarrassing me personally. I wish she’d leave those people alone.
Ratings
Fox’s ratings, with the exception of Bill O’Reilly, are due to the Shaved Apes. These are the same philistines who watch American Idol, Elimidate, and professional “wrestling”. Pathetic. And that’s a fairly good litmus test. If you are a fan of any of those three shows, you are a stupid moron. Please get in the habit of mentioning you watch those shows when you meet new people. The rest of us would appreciate the signal to stay away.
With the sole exception of O’Reilly Factor, I won’t be watching Fox any time soon. If I get a brain tumor that eats 75% (no, make that 90%) of my brain, I might come back to see a lisping, blonde idiot make an ass of herself.
Bye, bye, Fox!
Hello, MSNBC.
Discovery lands safely at Edwards AFB
This is hegemony. Knocking off a murderous little Arab dictator is not.
Compare our society to that of, say, Saudi Arabia. In that country, women are legally prohibited from driving cars. In our country, Eileen Collins commanded and landed the most complex machine ever built by humankind.
Liberals like to say that we are all equal. They are wrong.
Pirro challenges Hillary
Since the moment Hillary Clinton announced her Senate bid in New York, I've been saying that it was designed exclusively as a springboard for the presidency. Many others said the same thing. You'd have to be a dolt among dolts not realize it. Why pick New York, and not Arkansas, which had been her home for decades? Could it be that powerful seats in our most populous states -- New York, Texas, Florida, and California -- are the best places to reach for the presidency?
Hmmmm.
The people of New York were idiots to elect her. How could a new transplant possibly have their best interests at heart? How far is this broad going to go on her last name?
Her new challenger sees things much as I do:
Hmmmm.
The people of New York were idiots to elect her. How could a new transplant possibly have their best interests at heart? How far is this broad going to go on her last name?
Her new challenger sees things much as I do:
Hard-charging prosecutor Jeanine Pirro announced plans yesterday to run against U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton and wasted no time baring her claws - accusing the former First Lady of using New York to pave her return to the White House.
UN: corrupt, toothless debating society
1.7 million Cambodians died under Pol Pot
800,000 Rwandans were cut down in the streets
More than 300,000 Iraqis were rounded up, tortured, and killed by the secret police
...and that's the abridged list.
I'm quite satisfied that Bush appointed Bolton. Way to go, Tex. Liberals complain about Bolton's temperament. Huh? That so-called temperament is precisely what is needed at the UN. I hope he shakes that tree so hard all the nuts fall out.
The latest report on UN buffoonery is here.
800,000 Rwandans were cut down in the streets
More than 300,000 Iraqis were rounded up, tortured, and killed by the secret police
...and that's the abridged list.
I'm quite satisfied that Bush appointed Bolton. Way to go, Tex. Liberals complain about Bolton's temperament. Huh? That so-called temperament is precisely what is needed at the UN. I hope he shakes that tree so hard all the nuts fall out.
The latest report on UN buffoonery is here.
Solution to immigration problem
I wrote this in response to an interesting assessment of the USA’s problem with illegal immigration.
Living about 100 miles from the Mexico border, I can say without reservation that Mexican and other Latin American immigrants, legal and illegal, are good people. Moreover, they’re great people. Most of them love America and only came here to take advantage of a perpetually booming economy.
Still, I have yet to meet anyone who thinks that millions of illegal aliens (to hell with the PC term “undocumented workers”) walking into the country -- with no background check, no name checking against terror watchlists, not even a simple ID check -- is a good idea. Only the Hispanic lobby and Vicente Fox believe that’s acceptable.
I’m stunned that our hugely critical, tome-like “9/11 Commission Report” could cite the porous Southern border as a major security threat and yet, after four years, very little has been done about it.
At the same time, the Latin Americans coming here are providing a service, and seem happy to work hard. Business and construction lobbies can attest to the need.
So, the path seems crystal clear. We need to completely seal the southern border to illegal immigration -- a simple task with a high-tech military and a $5.5 trillion annual budget. Our budget is positively staggering. It would be like someone with a $40,000 per year income splurging for an ice cream cone on a sunny afternoon – single scoop.
No changes should be made for legal immigrants. This country was founded and built by immigrants. Closing the border to illegals is very different than closing it altogether.
At exactly the same time, on the same day, we must initiate an amnesty program for illegals already in the country, provided they pass a background check, and reform entrance requirements for new Latin immigrants – to smooth the way. If we need them, and they want to come, let's check ID's, compare their names to terror watchlists, and let them get to work and pay taxes like the rest of us.
If we do both of these things at once, I can't imagine any room for complaint from anyone.
I certainly wouldn’t want to be the Senator who did nothing if the next terrorist attack is traced back to someone who walked across the Southern border.
Living about 100 miles from the Mexico border, I can say without reservation that Mexican and other Latin American immigrants, legal and illegal, are good people. Moreover, they’re great people. Most of them love America and only came here to take advantage of a perpetually booming economy.
Still, I have yet to meet anyone who thinks that millions of illegal aliens (to hell with the PC term “undocumented workers”) walking into the country -- with no background check, no name checking against terror watchlists, not even a simple ID check -- is a good idea. Only the Hispanic lobby and Vicente Fox believe that’s acceptable.
I’m stunned that our hugely critical, tome-like “9/11 Commission Report” could cite the porous Southern border as a major security threat and yet, after four years, very little has been done about it.
At the same time, the Latin Americans coming here are providing a service, and seem happy to work hard. Business and construction lobbies can attest to the need.
So, the path seems crystal clear. We need to completely seal the southern border to illegal immigration -- a simple task with a high-tech military and a $5.5 trillion annual budget. Our budget is positively staggering. It would be like someone with a $40,000 per year income splurging for an ice cream cone on a sunny afternoon – single scoop.
No changes should be made for legal immigrants. This country was founded and built by immigrants. Closing the border to illegals is very different than closing it altogether.
At exactly the same time, on the same day, we must initiate an amnesty program for illegals already in the country, provided they pass a background check, and reform entrance requirements for new Latin immigrants – to smooth the way. If we need them, and they want to come, let's check ID's, compare their names to terror watchlists, and let them get to work and pay taxes like the rest of us.
If we do both of these things at once, I can't imagine any room for complaint from anyone.
I certainly wouldn’t want to be the Senator who did nothing if the next terrorist attack is traced back to someone who walked across the Southern border.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Peter Jennings dies
ABC icon Peter Jennings has gone to the great newsroom in the sky. So long, Pete.
Maybe I should quit smoking. As a smoker, when I learned Peter Jennings had died, I immediately thought of myself rather than his life or how his family might feel. I'm a Shaved Ape and that's how it goes. My ancestors just recently swung down from the trees and shaved themselves, so it's dubious to expect true, human empathy.
I imagined that if I was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, and I didn't expect to live very long, I would immediately cash in my 401k plan. My plan, unfortunately, consists of a Winchester 1200 (12 gage shotgun). Dying in pain or a morphine-induced stupor while drooling from the corners of my mouth isn't the way I plan to check out of this ridiculous, not-funny game called life.
Maybe I should quit smoking. As a smoker, when I learned Peter Jennings had died, I immediately thought of myself rather than his life or how his family might feel. I'm a Shaved Ape and that's how it goes. My ancestors just recently swung down from the trees and shaved themselves, so it's dubious to expect true, human empathy.
I imagined that if I was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, and I didn't expect to live very long, I would immediately cash in my 401k plan. My plan, unfortunately, consists of a Winchester 1200 (12 gage shotgun). Dying in pain or a morphine-induced stupor while drooling from the corners of my mouth isn't the way I plan to check out of this ridiculous, not-funny game called life.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Europe is Iran's bitch
Iran wants one of two things: The sweetest deal it can blackmail from the unwitting Europeans, or it just wants the nukes.
EU3 is played by Germany, France and Britain. Supreme Idiot is played by Iran's "supreme leader" Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
EU3, with quivering lower lip: Please, please don't develop nukes!
Supreme Idiot: Nukes are a matter of national pride.
Eu3: Oh, no, please. We'll pay you!
Supreme Idiot: Pay us? I'm listening.
EU3: Here's our checkbook. How about $200M/year as an incentive?
Supreme Idiot: Our 'pride' is worth more than that.
Eu3: We'll throw in free processed uranium. Just please, please, oh please don't hurt us!
Supreme Idiot: No. We will proceed with our uranium processing.
I'm extremely pleased that Bush is sitting this one out. Just hang back and if/when Iran's first nuclear weapon is developed, crush them like ants scurrying around the sidewalk. They're begging for it, and I predict that one day they'll get it. With any luck, Israel will take care of the problem a la Iraq before we need to waste our ammunition on the pathetic Supreme Idiot Leader.
EU3 is played by Germany, France and Britain. Supreme Idiot is played by Iran's "supreme leader" Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
EU3, with quivering lower lip: Please, please don't develop nukes!
Supreme Idiot: Nukes are a matter of national pride.
Eu3: Oh, no, please. We'll pay you!
Supreme Idiot: Pay us? I'm listening.
EU3: Here's our checkbook. How about $200M/year as an incentive?
Supreme Idiot: Our 'pride' is worth more than that.
Eu3: We'll throw in free processed uranium. Just please, please, oh please don't hurt us!
Supreme Idiot: No. We will proceed with our uranium processing.
I'm extremely pleased that Bush is sitting this one out. Just hang back and if/when Iran's first nuclear weapon is developed, crush them like ants scurrying around the sidewalk. They're begging for it, and I predict that one day they'll get it. With any luck, Israel will take care of the problem a la Iraq before we need to waste our ammunition on the pathetic Supreme Idiot Leader.
Astronauts pay tribute to Columbia crew
Bad day
Jesus I'm having a bad fucking day. I haven't woken up before 9:00 a.m. in months. Years. That'll teach me to go to bed before three in the morning.
Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling full of energy, happy, and ready to do anything? I haven't seen one of those since the early 1980s. When I wake up I feel as if I've just chipped my way through a wooden box, clawed through six feet of dirt, and breathed my first air in years.
This is bullshit.
Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling full of energy, happy, and ready to do anything? I haven't seen one of those since the early 1980s. When I wake up I feel as if I've just chipped my way through a wooden box, clawed through six feet of dirt, and breathed my first air in years.
This is bullshit.
CNN invented before internet? WTF?
Even as CNN apologizes for Novak's invocation of "bullshit," I want an apology for a CNN commercial I saw last night.
To paraphrase their idiotic 25-year-history promo, "Before the internet, there was CNN." Okay, Shaved Apes, listen to truth. The internet was switched on by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) in September, 1969.
CNN slipped out of the jackal's pussy in 1980.
Where's the Deliverance theme song when I need it?
CNN should be more honest in its self-promoting scheisse. Like this, perhaps: "Before cute, colorful operating systems and browsers were invented to give feces-brained dumbasses access to an already mature information sharing network, there was CNN."
Do any Shaved Apes understand that HTML-based "web" pages lie on top of a pre-existing electronic computer network called the internet? Damn it, people, we go through this again and again (see Dumbass Al Gore). I was born in September 1969; not even my old bones predate the flippin internet. Why can't Shaved Apes grasp this? Maybe after another 250 million years of evolution some of you will bother to look past your swinging dicks and see the world.
It's not that surprising to see CNN and Al Gore blatantly lie to make themselves look good and/or be so stupid as to not know anything about the most important communications/information tool in the history of the planet. (For instance, you wouldn't be reading this blog, heh heh)
CNN should just hire Algore. It would be a fetid union resulting in a dishonest, intellectually challenged, stuttering monologue about invisible, bloodthirty monsters (like cigarette smoke) creeping into houses and attacking families while they sleep as peacefully as babies listening to lullabies sung by angels from heaven. I'd even watch that.
To paraphrase their idiotic 25-year-history promo, "Before the internet, there was CNN." Okay, Shaved Apes, listen to truth. The internet was switched on by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) in September, 1969.
CNN slipped out of the jackal's pussy in 1980.
Where's the Deliverance theme song when I need it?
CNN should be more honest in its self-promoting scheisse. Like this, perhaps: "Before cute, colorful operating systems and browsers were invented to give feces-brained dumbasses access to an already mature information sharing network, there was CNN."
Do any Shaved Apes understand that HTML-based "web" pages lie on top of a pre-existing electronic computer network called the internet? Damn it, people, we go through this again and again (see Dumbass Al Gore). I was born in September 1969; not even my old bones predate the flippin internet. Why can't Shaved Apes grasp this? Maybe after another 250 million years of evolution some of you will bother to look past your swinging dicks and see the world.
It's not that surprising to see CNN and Al Gore blatantly lie to make themselves look good and/or be so stupid as to not know anything about the most important communications/information tool in the history of the planet. (For instance, you wouldn't be reading this blog, heh heh)
CNN should just hire Algore. It would be a fetid union resulting in a dishonest, intellectually challenged, stuttering monologue about invisible, bloodthirty monsters (like cigarette smoke) creeping into houses and attacking families while they sleep as peacefully as babies listening to lullabies sung by angels from heaven. I'd even watch that.
Novak swears and walks off CNN set
James Carville riled Robert Novak, who issued a "bullshit" and walked off the set of CNN's "Inside Politics". Novak, a Chicago Sun-Times columnist, was suspended by CNN. Of course, the network apologized to its viewers.
From the Chicago Sun-Times; my bolding:
From the Chicago Sun-Times; my bolding:
During the show, Carville and Novak talked about the Senate candidacy of Republican Katherine Harris, who as Florida's secretary of state presided over the tumultuous 2000 presidential recount. Novak argued the opposition of Florida's Republican establishment might not necessarily hurt Harris.
''Let me just finish, James, please,'' Novak continued. ''I know you hate to hear me, but you have to.''
Carville, looking at host Ed Henry, said, "He's got to show these right-wingers that he's got a backbone, you know. It's why the Wall Street Journal editorial page is watching you. Show 'em that you're tough.''
Carville then sat back in his chair, laughing.
''Well, I think that's bull----, and I hate that,'' Novak said. Then, making a sweeping motion with his hands, Novak said to Henry, "Just let it go."
As Henry started to ask Carville a question, Novak stood up and walked off the set.
Russians rush to save stranded sub
Update 10:30 a.m. PST: Russian ship tows mini-sub to shallow water. It's unknown if the crew had enough oxygen to survive.
Kursk Part Deux is unfolding off the Eastern coast of Russia. Watch closely, Shaved Apes. I hope the Russkies don't choose national pride over the lives of men trapped on the bottom of the ocean like they did with the Kursk.
From BBC:
Kursk Part Deux is unfolding off the Eastern coast of Russia. Watch closely, Shaved Apes. I hope the Russkies don't choose national pride over the lives of men trapped on the bottom of the ocean like they did with the Kursk.
From BBC:
The Priz submersible got caught in a fishing net and sank to a depth of 190m (620ft) off the Kamchatka peninsula on Thursday, officials say.
Russian ships are sweeping the area to try and free the submarine and the US, Britain and Japan are sending help.
A navy spokesman said the sailors had enough air for only another 24 hours.
On Saturday, August 12 [2000], the giant Russian nuclear submarine Kursk -- carrying a crew of 118 -- sank in the icy waters of the Barents Sea after what Russian officials described as a "catastrophe that developed at lightning speed." More than a week later divers opened the rear hatch of the sub but found no survivors. Our in-depth special examines the submarine, the disaster and the aftermath.
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